In the move

A life in the Spirit, Poetry,

 

 

 

 

 

I am eating salad.
The cat,
the cat finds a way,
finds a way to knock the Tibetan bell,
the singing bowl, off the shelf.

I put down my fork.
I feed,
feed the next disaster,
the thing that needs fixing or finding
so the next problem can happen.

I gnaw a new problem.
The garage,
the garage door won’t close;
the door thinks it’s squashing a baby,
not landing on a vintage slab.

I know vintage.
The turn,
the turn is one thing I learned:
any move needs time for moving,
time to turn toward eternity.

I eat in an eternal now.
The right now,
now is for feeding on the future,
the future-present ordering of your love,
a whisper away in this breath.

Emotional paralysis: What we can do about it.

Psychological growth, Spiritual direction, , , , ,

When we are experiencing a persistent sense of emptiness or numbness, an inability to connect with others on an emotional level, constant feelings of fear or anxiety, and a limited range of emotional responses, we’re in “emotional paralysis.” I think this is a national issue right now. Instead of dealing with it, we are getting acclimated to it.

by Kiselev Andrey Valerevich

A persistent sense of emptiness or numbness makes it challenging to connect with others on an emotional level. This leads to loneliness and a sense of detachment from the world. It also leads to fear or anxiety, to a state of heightened alertness, being on guard for potential emotional triggers. This vigilance is mentally and physically exhausting, which only makes things worse. Soon, emotional paralysis makes our range of range of feeling even more limited. Joy, pleasure, or even sadness are often the first to go. We can end up disengaged from life and unfulfilled. Relationships become strained and work suffers which causes more anxiety and loneliness which often deepens the numbness.

In many cases, emotional paralysis can be accompanied by physical symptoms: no appetite or overeating, sleep issues, susceptibility to illness, and fatigue. Persistent headaches and muscle tension can be a result of emotional stress. The mind-body connection is a powerful one, and when emotions are suppressed or blocked, they can show up as physical pain and discomfort. Some people have panic attacks at some level and their doctor looks for a heart attack.

Causes of emotional paralysis

When we sit down in therapy we often uncover past experiences, especially in childhood, that lead to emotional paralysis. It is cliché to point it out, but childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect, can instill fear of vulnerability. This fear leads to emotional paralysis as a way to avoid re-experiencing the pain associated with past events.

What’s more, if we have unresolved emotional conflicts or a lack of emotional support and reciprocation, especially during critical developmental stages, it can be paralyzing. If a person grew up in an environment or is subject to one now where emotions are suppressed or dismissed, they may internalize the belief that expressing emotions is unacceptable or weak. This learned behavior can lead to emotional paralysis, as individuals struggle to identify their feelings and communicate them effectively.

The individual causes of emotional paralysis are somewhat easy to identify. Numb people often intuitively know them, they just don’t want to feel them. They are often weighed down by the responsibility they feel for dealing with the circumstances robbing them of life. So external factors are sometimes overlooked or dismissed. They say, “Whattya gonna to do?” or  “It is what it is.” or  “Can’t complain.” I greet people in my elevator with “How’s it going?” and I regularly hear, “A day above ground is a good day.” Or they just stay silent. They walk down the street or ride around isolated by headphones. Some may feel unable to leave the house, which requires an online job, which leads to further distance from love.

National paralysis

Your emotional paralysis is not all your fault. There are things happening to us every day, especially now, that cause it. We often wonder out loud why people under authoritarian regimes don’t do something about their plight. Look at the symptoms above and it seems clearer. They are paralyzed.

We are living in a “plight” right now. We can’t sell a condo we thought would go faster. Mortgage rates feel higher. Future economic stability is uncertain. Prices seem to be inflating (at least my chocolate has gone up!); toys are already showing a tariff bump. Lumber and gypsum tariffs are making houses more expensive. ICE raids undermine the workforce. Trump politics create a wait-and-see mentality. I had some emotional paralysis for a while as my new reality moved in like a climate change event. Traumatic or overwhelming, present circumstances are tending to numb us out.

 

 

 

 

Americans live in a big country with a big government. When it gets upended and the ways to change it are cut off, it is traumatizing. We have narcissistic entrepreneurs running government like it is a business in which breaking things is supposed to lead to innovation, and they call it conservatism! Amateurs have wrecked the AIDS program in Africa, bombed Tehran, excavated for a concentration camp in the Everglades and made lying normal. The Congress is full of self-interested cowards.

What’s more, the Church is in stasis. The only good statistical news for U.S. congregations  is that young men are returning to churches where patriarchy is practiced. Most churches remain paralyzed in fracture. It still troubles me that the main dividing issue of the last few decades has been homosexuality. That’s where people draw lines? Not with gun violence and military spending? Not with poverty and income inequality? Not with unorthodox spiritualities and biblical illiteracy? Not with the hollowing out of community and leadership?

It is no wonder so few people devote themselves to the common good, run for office, or build a business that is not just for profit. They are emotionally paralyzed and live in a system that contributes to it every day. Ultimately, getting out of national paralysis in the U.S. is a collective effort that requires both systemic and individual shifts in behavior, coupled with a commitment to finding common ground and working towards constructive solutions.

Overcoming numbness

Things change and people grow. I am amazed when clients are suddenly on the other side of the tipping point towards mental health. A lot of factors can contribute, of course, but the main one is usually they wanted to stick with it. They let themselves want to be happy and then decided to be so. I am always glad to help with that. If you feel the paralysis I’ve been describing, you might want to join them in finding a new way. Here are tried and true pathways to feeling and feeling better.

Make yourself talk

A friend, a spouse, your pastor or priest, a stranger on vacation might all have a listening ear. The way out of emotional paralysis is exercising emotion, which almost always includes communication. A psychotherapist can speed up the process by identifying past traumas, patterns of belief and external influences. They can suggest alternative ways to cope and help form new strategies for living. A lot of paralyzed people consume tons of useful media which talks at them all the time. But impression without expression will likely equal depression.

Force yourself to practice self-care

This topic often feels “woo woo” to numbed people, so that’s why I said “force yourself.” You may think numbness is normal.

Paralyzed people are often that way because they tried being who they are and getting what they need and “it did not work.” They are reticent to try again and get hurt again. Lack of self-worth leads to lack of self-care. Nothing is as simple as that last sentence implies, of course, but instead of waiting to feel better we can start where we are and take whatever steps we can to take care of ourselves. Take a walk. Go to the gym. Put out a resume. Go to church. Call a long-lost friend. Go see the neglected relative. Write the story. Play your instrument. Get out the journal. Read the book. Take the class. You probably know what you need to do. You will just have to do that thing which is good for you. You will probably have to make yourself do it and face the homeostasis blocking you.

Get into a support network

I hope your job feels like a support network — that is so rare, I hate to mention it, since it is where we spend most of our time. I wish that extended families always felt like a support network, but a shocking number of us are estranged from them.

It is common knowledge that we’ve lost a lot of community, but it is still crucial to mental health and happiness. When we are alone, we are more subject to paralysis. Clients have done these things to get some community started: demanded change in the workplace, started  a family connection time (at least a group text), joined a running group, went back to church, joined a writing group, got on the board of a nonprofit. There are ways to connect if you’re looking.

Learn contemplative prayer

I saved the best for last. The thing that has worked for many clients is learning to be still and see what is on the other side of silence. I suggest many books for this and reading a book is a good way to start. One discovered the book mentioned in this post last month [link]. You could go on a retreat or take in a seminar about contemplative prayer and make some new friends. You could make (or restore) a deliberate, daily time for God to heal your trauma, reinforce your value, inspire you to try hard things, and reassure you it will be OK. Soul work is really the whole work.

Born again and again: Alan Jones and Anne Sexton guide us

A life in the Spirit, Poetry, Psychological growth, Spiritual direction, , , , ,
From the Grace Cathedral Instagram page advertising their solstice concert.

Alan Jones was Dean of Grace Cathedral from 1985-2009. He died last year at 84. In his obituary from the church the present dean wrote:

For nearly a quarter of a century, Alan served as Dean of Grace Cathedral. He was one of the most powerful preachers of his generation and helped make the cathedral one of the global centers of Christianity. During his tenure, we constructed Chapter House, the Great Steps, and our parking garage. With Lauren Artress, Alan helped to make walking the labyrinth into a religious practice observed by millions of people. Alan inaugurated our Forum series and represented the cathedral admirably in the community.

His legacy is better represented in his books. One has become a spiritual classic: Passion for Pilgrimage: Notes for the Journey Home (1989). One of the aspects of the book which impressed me most was the amazing depth of reading he displays! I often pass over quotes in a book as if they did not come from somewhere. But the people Jones knew or knew about intrigued me so much I began to look into their lives, as well.

In 2021 I peeled back the cover of Jones’ work for my church and highlighted a few of the people he referenced. As Jones listened to each of them, he was also attuned to the Holy Spirit at work in them and told us what he heard. They all demonstrated different ways we die and rise along our pilgrimage home. That’s the theme of his book: “God has fallen in love with you and wants you to come home.”

Anne Sexton

One of the people I highlighted was Anne Sexton.

Anne Sexton

I did not know a lot about this poet, apart from some of her poems, until Jones drew me into relationship with her. Her life is a tortuous story of mental illness and award-winning creation. Although she died in her forties by suicide, the depth of her work still moves us and teaches us. If you are chronically depressed, she speaks your language beautifully. The Poetry Foundation has a nice biography and a selection of works.

Jones  draws us to meditate with Anne Sexton as she moves through one of her own last meditations on “eating the Bread” in John 6:

Jesus said to them, “I tell you the solemn truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in yourselves. The one who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise [them] up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. The one who eats my flesh and drinks my blood resides in me, and I in [them]. Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so the one who consumes me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven; it is not like the bread your ancestors ate, but then later died. The one who eats this bread will live forever.” – John 6:53-8 NET

Uncomfortable in faith might be normal

Anne Sexton never got to a comfortable faith, but she wrote about it a lot. And she had a long correspondence with a “monk,” right up to the point where she sent off her last work:  The Awful Rowing toward God. Once it was sent, she put on her mother’s old mink coat, went to the garage, started the car and made the exhaust that killed her at age 45. One poem in her last self-collected book was titled after one of Soren Kierkegaard’s works which you can read here:

The Sickness Unto Death

God went out of me
as if the sea dried up like sandpaper,
as if the sun became a latrine.
God went out of my fingers.
They became stone.
My body became a side of mutton
and despair roamed the slaughterhouse.

Someone brought me oranges in my despair
but I could not eat a one
for God was in that orange.
I could not touch what did not belong to me.
The priest came,
he said God was even in Hitler.
I did not believe him
for if God were in Hitler
then God would be in me.
I did not hear the bird sounds.
They had left.
I did not see the speechless clouds,
I saw only the little white dish of my faith
breaking in the crater.
I kept saying:
I’ve got to have something to hold on to.
People gave me Bibles, crucifixes,
a yellow daisy,
but I could not touch them,
I who was a house full of bowel movement,
I who was a defaced altar,
I who wanted to crawl toward God
could not move nor eat bread.

So I ate myself,
bite by bite,
and the tears washed me,
wave after cowardly wave,
swallowing canker after canker
and Jesus stood over me looking down
and He laughed to find me gone,
and put His mouth to mine
and gave me His air.

My kindred, my brother, I said
and gave the yellow daisy
to the crazy woman in the next bed.

Her last book was dedicated to the monk. Sexton drafted her final book in two and half weeks during January of 1973. Two of those days were spent in a mental hospital, where she spoke with a priest. She told him she wasn’t sure if she believed in God. “I can’t go to church,” she said. “I can’t pray.” She wished to take communion but knew that she could not. She feared formal conversion: “It would ruin, it would formulate, my thinking: I’d want Him to be my God, anyway. I don’t want to be taught about Him; I want to make him up.”

The priest read Sexton’s drafts aloud to her. “Your typewriter is your altar,” he said.

Meditations from Alan Jones

What follows is Alan Jones meditating with Anne Sexton and giving us all a chance to do our dying and rising. All last week I ran into people who can’t help but think the whole country is dying and about to rise again. I thank God for people who can carry others who are sunk in depression. Enjoy Jones.

“Ironically, the Virgin Birth was insisted upon in the early years because there were those who said that Jesus wasn’t really human. He was some heavenly being. Mary was the guarantee that Jesus was really one of us. This crude insistence on the material is emphasized in the Gospel [as in the quote from John above]…

Think for a moment of Mary. She has just said Yes! To the baby, to the longed-for unknown. She contemplates the future stretching from her belly, and her own stretching by the child that will be born. It is a common experience for mothers. It is a metaphor that others in our culture need to appropriate – both men and women. Giving birth is an ordeal, and we, pregnant with God, are to give birth to a new understanding of ourselves. We are called to assist at our own birth. I know of no greater adventure. I know of no other way to describe it but as an ongoing drama of resurrection. The love letters never cease to amaze me.

George Emery, an old friend and expert in Christian mythology, sent us a Christmas poem not long ago about Mary as a sign and promise of new life breaking out in us.

To understand ordeals underground
Following the footsteps of the Lord
Into our own identity
Is difficult. As a new baby
Finds his mother to be another,
And she is a new person,
Mary saw God in her son,
Beholds him still for us
Both there and on the cross.

This describes our inner pilgrimage. It is an underground ordeal into the mystery of who we are. Through the agency of others we become new persons. Anne Sexton contributed to the bundle of love letters when she wrote,

Oh, Mary
Gentle Mother,
open the door and let me in.
A bee has stung your belly with faith.
Let me float in it like a fish.
Let me in! Let me in!
I have been born many times, a false Messiah;
but let me be born again
into something true. (From The Awful Rowing Toward God)

We follow the footsteps of our Lord into our own identity…to be born again and again and again. What freedom there is in my not having to be my own messiah!”

The Trump fear factor: What we are doing about it

A life in the Spirit, Psychological growth, The Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Rogan in younger days

Are you old enough to remember the first Fear Factor TV show?  According to your friend, Wikipedia, it was “an American stunt/dare game show that first aired on NBC from 2001 to 2006 and was initially hosted by comedian and UFC commentator Joe Rogan.”

After a summer of endless advertising, it was successful enough to be granted a full season right after the World Trade Center buildings were destroyed by airplanes on 9/11 and the United States started an unending War on Terror.

I think most of the population is still figuring our what to do with their personal war on terror. The media’s advice  was generally delivered via products like Fear Factor which proved a regular, beefed-up person, could basically do anything if they put their mind to it and had some way to film the deed.  Psychotherapists had increasing wisdom to offer, as well. They had been concentrating on trauma since the Vietnam War, and now began institutionalizing screening practices for it, summarized by Harris and Fallot in their seminal article. As a result, the Marvel superhero films, like The Avengers, began to showcase more complex and vulnerable heroes. They grappled with the trauma of relentless attacks by monstrous beings and faced the strain of dishing out violence while trying to have  principles.

Fear Factor is still going. It has become a successful franchise for selling packages of artificially-controlled trauma back to the people living in an age of overwhelm, and has spawned versions all over the world.  MTV aired a version with Ludacris as host in 2017-18 which included a Jersey Shore episode with Snooki and Pauly D. With the dawn of Trump 2.0 the time is ripe for an American reboot and it is planned for a fall premier later this year. People Magazine (still exists) quotes the advertising tag line: “Dropped into an unforgiving, remote location, a group of strangers will live together under one roof, and face mind-blowing stunts, harrowing challenges and a twisted game of social strategy where trust is fleeting — and fear is a weapon.” Some people might say that sounds like a recent school board public meeting.

The fear factor is background

I think we often gloss it over and talk about something other than our fear, even though we are afraid all the time. Don’t get me wrong, much of human development is a reaction to our fears, so saying we live in an “age of fear” could be a bit grandiose. After all, the ancient collection of the Bible is said to have 365 instances where we are told “do not be afraid” – since we are all afraid most of the time. If God is not with us and we are not with God, what will become of us?

It is easy to see our fearful reactions to the Trump turmoil. He’s the newest fear factor which has become the background of our days and his perverse nonsense will be a dark cloud on our summer picnics. I and over 80,000 others protested it all in Philly last Saturday. We don’t like living in an era where our fears are heightened, our reactivity is on a hair-trigger, and both rationality and compassion are constantly strained.

I can’t imagine your personal experience. But if it is anything like mine, you have also witnessed many people facing the newest fear factor. You could, no doubt,  add your own reactions to those I’ve noticed in others:

  • Schools and other institutions are still rushing to rewrite DEI language before they lose funds.
  • People are not buying real estate because of uncertainty.
  • People are finding new drugs to take for their anxiety.
  • High school and college grads can’t imagine what professions will be left after A.I. fully takes root.
  • Old people wonder how stable their nest egg is now that crypto is infecting their portfolios and a crypto family is in power.
  • People who would like to pastor the church but find other things to do because of the poisoned atmosphere for leading.
  • People are actively going through the process to claim birthright citizenship in other countries in case they need to escape the fascist U.S.

Recently, IMY2, a newer group from Nashville, ably covered Buffalo Springfield’s famous indictment of the fear factor from 1967: “For What It’s Worth.” It is the perfect soundtrack for scenes of Senator Padilla being wrestled to the ground. I shouted “Hey, hey. Ho Ho. Kristi Noem has got to go” during No Kings Day. I hope she’s out before she “liberates” Philly.

June 14 was a hugely positive reaction

The media continues to highlight burning Waymos and assassinations, somewhat justifiably. But they also turned up to cover the over 2100 protests last Saturday — estimates of the number of protesters are still being formulated: so far, 5 million people is low, 11 million is high. So many people have been personally touched by the senseless, somewhat random governance of the goon squad let loose by our psychopathic president they got into the street.

Here are well known examples of the fear factor their signs referenced:

  • Scientists and researchers now fear speaking out publicly because their funding will be cut. Their livelihoods are threatened and they are intimidated.
  • Journalists, foreign and domestic, are harassed and funding is cut to free speech institutions that took years to develop.
  • Trump’s first 100 days upended the global order led by Americans which painstakingly developed cooperation and created mechanisms to solve differences.

  • People are becoming more aware and Trumps approval numbers are slipping. A new president who leads a minority, not the country, is inherently destabilizing.

Governments are all about stability. At their best, they are about the common good. In functional democracies, they skillfully manage ongoing institutions that provide justice and services while they incorporate the changing needs  associated with societal development. They are much more complex than corporations and require people who devote great skill to maintaining them. When all that is absent, the fear factor immediately intensifies.

Seattle on June 14

Work on healthy responses to the fear factor

I personally loved how boring it can be when 80,000 people are out for a peaceful stroll together. The socialists, communists, and Free Palestine people were out last Saturday with their usual singlemindedness. But we just stepped away and joined the next 1000 people on their way to the Art Museum. We brought children, so one time we needed to start our own chant when all we heard was “Fuck Trump.” But most people were pretty happy. That’s one of the main ways to beat fear:

Be happy. Joy was in the air at the march, not just fear. Many of us were with loved ones. And we were with 1000’s of people who were with us. Being outside, being together, having a common purpose are all avenues to joy — I was praying, too. We need to hang on to joy.

Be creative. We were also making a protest together. And many of us made some very creative signs. Mine looked a bit like I might be in 4th grade — but I did put my marker to foam board which I had to go buy. I made the effort. It always feels good to make things. It is definitely joyless to destroy.

Talk about it.  Fear is dissipated when it is named. Sometimes trauma is hard to get to, of course, it gets locked in our most basic brain. But talking is probably better than anesthetizing it with the latest drug, for most of us. It was nice to have 80,000 people bringing up the subject.

Get righteously mad. Obviously, most Americans did not get to the protest. They might have honked their horn on the way to work or to attending to their aging mother’s medical needs. They may think Donald Trump will save them from gay marriage, Mexican rapists or other terrors. More likely they are opted out of everything because they are uncertain, alone and overwhelmed. Being angry and not sinning is good self-care. Last Saturday, shouting “Stephen Miller has got to go!” felt very good —  I got it out of the churn of the fear factor invading my peace. The churn died down for a bit. I intend to keep shouting.

No Kings on June 14: Biblical reasons to be on the street

A life in the Spirit, Building community, The Mission, , ,
Cecily White, of South Philadelphia, holds up her daughter Nora White, 3, during the “No Kings” protest and march out by Independence Hall on April 19.Tyger Williams / Inquirer Staff Photographer

There is another nationwide protest against President Donald Trump on June 14. This time, it will take place on his 79th (!) birthday. The “No Kings” rallies will focus on Trump the man, his decrees (especially the illegal ones), his corruption, and his economic disruption. [See Inquirer}

For those who need it, there is a lot of biblical basis for protesting. The most obvious example is Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3. Together, they protested a command from Nebuchadnezzar to bow down and worship a massive, golden statue of himself. Trump, in his newly-gold-plated Oval Office bears a resemblance. The three men (and Daniel) knew the king’s command was putting a false God before the true God, so they refused to obey. Trump has posed as an anointed, God-protected ruler, so that is worth protesting as a Christian. His attack on constitutional rule and precedent is even more worth protesting as a dutiful citizen.

The number of June 14 events planned number over 2000 now, all over the country. They will overlap with the military parade in Washington. For that reason, organizers intentionally skipped planning for D.C. and are encouraging participants to travel to my fair city, Philadelphia, instead. I will be there.

 The organizers say on their website: “[The Trump administration has] defied our courts, deported Americans, disappeared people off the streets, attacked our civil rights, and slashed our services. The corruption has gone too far. No thrones. No crowns. No kings.”

What does “No Kings” mean?

I think “No autocrats” might be better — and I still have a right to say what I want in this country. My sign usually says, “Down with the oligarchs!” But “No kings!” is good. When the protests came around in April, Trump posted a picture of himself as a king just to mock us — that, in itself, is good reason to demand his ouster. Every day he wrecks the nation by acting with executive power he is not granted and daring the courts and Congress to keep him in the bounds of constitutional authority.

Scoundrels use wicked methods,
    they make up evil schemes
to destroy the poor with lies,
    even when the plea of the needy is just. — Isaiah 32:17

Americans did overthrow a king to be a nation. But I like to protest autocrats — not all kings have been autocratic. The American experiment in democracy is dead set against them, however.

Who is organizing the No Kings protests?

Several organizers are taking credit for the No Kings protests, including Indivisible, MoveOn, and the 50501 Movement. Mobilize helps coordinate.

If you need a biblical precedent for organizing protests against the government, here is one in honor of the Pentecost season from Acts 5: “We must obey God, not men.” When the followers of Jesus said that, they were honoring him well, since he never let any officials deter him, avoided and subverted them, and gave his ultimate statement when he burst through the official seal they placed on his tomb after they killed him. It does not matter what a country’s  government is, Christians are salt and light in it. If you are not shining light on Trump’s endless lies (for one thing), you’re losing your salt.

Indivisible is a progressive organization that launched in 2016 after Trump was elected to his first term as president. MoveOn is a progressive public policy advocacy group that has been around since the late 1990s. It’s known for its email mobilization campaigns and is one of the largest grassroots campaigning communities.

The 50501 Movement stands for “50 protests. 50 states. 1 movement.” That’s the group I have followed most closely. 50501 came together on Reddit, as people began discussing mobilizing and protesting against Trump and Tesla CEO Elon Musk, who used to be a Trump confidant and adviser, and a proponent of the administration’s policies. Word circulated across social media until the group’s first protest took place on Feb. 5 and involved demonstrations outside of state capitol buildings and city halls.

It’s also the group responsible for the series of No Kings on Presidents’ Day protests that took place nationwide in February, including in Philadelphia, and the Hands Off protests that happened in April.

Military fantasies

Though the military parade — which formally celebrates the Army’s 250th birthday — is taking place on his birthday, Trump has denied claims that the party is for him. “My birthday happens to be on Flag Day,” Trump said during a Meet the Press interview last month. “I view it for Flag Day, not necessarily my birthday. Somebody put it together. But no, I think we’re going to do something on June 14, maybe, or somewhere around there. But I think June 14. It’s a very important day.”

In Trump speak, that means it is a birthday gift for him.  Whenever he says he doesn’t know anything about something, you can be sure he does. Here is the equipment rolling in (starts at about :24)

The spectacle is minimally projected to cost $45 million. It is a visual aid for the power grab Trump has enacted. The No Kings organizers say, “This display of might is intended to intimidate opponents and solidify his image as a strongman on our dime.” They also criticize the parade’s high costs — which will be funded at least partially by taxpayers — coinciding with the administration proposing to slash SNAP and Medicaid funding, among everything else.

The parade 

The parade will kick off a year of celebrations for the Army’s 250th birthday, according to the White House. There will be about 6,600 soldiers, 150 vehicles, and 50 helicopters on a route from Arlington, Va., to the National Mall, the Associated Press reported. There will also be a fireworks display and a daylong festival on the National Mall, according to an Army spokesperson.

It will be the first military parade in recent history, something Trump has publicly voiced a desire for since his first term as president. He initially proposed having one after seeing France’s Bastille Day celebration in 2017. But one would be hard-pressed to deny he imagines being Vladimir Putin or Kim Jong Un reviewing the troops. Earlier plans were shelved after estimates found that parade would cost nearly $100 million and be logistically complex. $16 million of the present estimate is allotted for street repairs after Army tanks roll down the old D.C. streets, which were not engineered for military parades, of course. NBC reports the Army is taking preventive measures to outfit the tanks in materials intended to lessen the damage.

Why no protests called for D.C.?

To be clear, many people will be protesting in DC. I haven’t heard of mass plan to lay in front of the tanks yet. But the national organizers went through months deciding to not organize for DC, partially because they feared Trump would use it to call for martial law.  Some people say sending troops to L.A. is the beginning of militarizing the country, anyway.

The organizers say, “On June 14 — Flag Day — Donald Trump wants tanks in the street and a made-for-TV display of dominance for his birthday. But real power isn’t staged in Washington. It rises up everywhere else. Instead of allowing this birthday parade to be the center of gravity, we will make action everywhere else the story of America that day: people coming together in communities across the country to reject strongman politics and corruption.”

Instead of a formal No Kings event in D.C., organizers are encouraging people to go to events  scheduled in every state on June 14, with flagship events occurring in Philadelphia, Chicago, Charlotte, Atlanta, and Houston. For supporters of the movement who are limited to the D.C. area, organizers suggest getting involved with a separate partner event called D.C. Joy Day, a celebration of the local community.

The Philly event is happening from noon to 3 p.m. beginning at LOVE Park and marching to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Take public transpo.

To find out about your area, check the No Kings website. It has a map of every June 14 event on its website (www.nokings.org/#map). The 50501 Movement is also posting forthcoming  events on its Instagram page.

If you still need some biblical encouragement to take to the streets, just take a look at the Budget proposal Trump is feverishly trying to get the Senate to pass. It is inspiring: [link to Center on Budget and Policy Priorities]. Proverbs 14:31 states, “Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” That will be my main motivation for being on the street. If I am just simply saying “no” to an old man and his billionaire cronies who will waste money ineffectually bombing Houthis but will not maintain the present minimal attention the government pays to hungry children without adequate medical care, that will be enough.

 

Today is Columba Day! Royal who became a monk, then a thief, then a navigator, then a missionary, artist, and leader. A big man with a big life. Meet him at The Transhistorical Body.

Success and faithfulness are not competing: But faithfulness wins

A life in the Spirit, Marriage and Family, , , ,
Dadu Shin NYTimes

Word has it that the next generation is declining the opportunity to make families and raise children because they are afraid they can’t be a success at parenting. Researchers are collecting reasons for this new outlook:

  1. Therapists have taught them their parents caused all their problems and they don’t want to mess up any more children.
  2. Donald Trump and his cronies have disrupted the world to smithereens and climate change is hovering over them, so they don’t think it is responsible to doom a child to a failed life.
  3. They can’t imagine having the permanent relationship that is the best-case scenario for raising a happy kid. Besides, they already have a demanding relationship with their phone. Alone is safer.

Preoccupied with success

Pondering how children are successfully bred points out how preoccupied we are with success. Achieving it is an endless uphill battle and many people feel like they are slipping down the slope. If I am a thirtysomething, success is that goal, that destiny-yet-to-be-realized for which I am responsible. My education has been laced with “Find what you can do successfully and concentrate on it,” and “Make choices that make you happy. It’s up to you.”

My nephew just graduated from the fire academy; it has been a lifelong goal. Now success for him will be finding a scarce job. I Googled job opportunities, and they are apparently out there in his vicinity. But good luck! Success is elusive.

Right now, I am unsuccessful at selling my jewel of a condo and am preoccupied with the process. I blame Trump for making everyone nervously clutch their money. But I also blame myself for buying it, for spending so much money on it, and for hiring an unscrupulous contractor to rehab it. My lack of success tends to haunt the background of my mind. Until I am successful, feelings of doom or distrust keep arising.

Is faithfulness really more important?

Christians often contrast being successful with being faithful. And so do I. This post is born of an attempt to stay faithful in spite of the stuff in the back of my mind. Success has to do with something external, something prospective, something we wear as an element of identity. Faithfulness is something internal, something constant, something we are, something as elemental to us as our birthright. Joy is not something you achieve; it is something you enter into.

I was talking about success vs. faithfulness with a long-time-together but yet-to-marry couple. They reported that wondering about the success of their relationship brought up quite a bit of judgment.  Rather than receiving the love at hand, success judged their love according to what it should be, according to what “successful” loving looks like, whether they had ever been successfully loved in the way they idealized or not!

The idea of faithfulness was somewhat foreign to them. They were among those who come from dysfunctional households in which the parents were “faithful” but obviously not happy. The unconditional love that faithfulness implies did not seem like a good idea. They said their conditional love was what made the other person behave well enough to maintain the relationship. But they did look at each other and ponder whether it was their faithful conditional love, that mysterious commitment, which kept them together.

I’m on a little team which has been attempting, since the beginning of Lent, to start a new church within our church. So far, we have been notably unsuccessful in my eyes — I prefer miracle to methodical. At the outset, we agreed that one of the best things we could do in the face of Trump was build more opportunity for community. So far, most people are still torn up, not grafted into our new group. We may yet succeed if we are faithful to the vision and if we listened well enough to ourselves, the moment, and God in the beginning.

If we’re not occupied with success, then what?

It is not that easy to decide what a faithful person should be doing every day in this surreal era we’re getting used to. When I get out on the street in my counterdemonstration to Trump’s vanity parade in DC on June 14, I will not feel successful. Even if a million people show up at the flagship event in my hometown, Philadelphia, I will be wondering about who opted out. Yet I feel called and committed to be there and to keep at it until we at least don’t have psychopaths with nuclear weapons running us around. Even if we don’t get rid of them, I don’t want to miss being the real me doing what I am given to do.

Near the end of his ministry, we find the Apostle, Paul, instructing the Ephesian elders about what they should be doing every day once he has moved on (Acts 20:17ff). He encourages me to keep listening to the call of God instead of just making things work according to my own, often faulty logic. Paul starts with the example of his own faithfulness: “You’ve seen how I lived. And you know that my only concern is to finish the task that Jesus gave me.” As Paul would say elsewhere, “What is required of stewards is that they be found faithful” (1 Cor. 4:2).

Paul and Medievalish Ephesians by Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, ca. 1830.

In Paul’s economic world, a steward is just a servant. He doesn’t own the household business, the master does. His main responsibility is to do what he is given to do. He cares about the success of the enterprise, but doesn’t directly bear the costs or directly reap all the profits. If the owner assigns him to do something that tanks, he’s not to blame. If the owner assigns him to work at something that turns out to be a great success, any credit is shared. Success and failure are master words; faithfulness is the concern of stewards. That’s a big change in worldview for most of us.

Faithfulness is imperfect

A fourth reason we could add to the list for why younger people do not want to have kids might be science. They all learned to conduct an experiment to test the truth. Who wants their experimental process of raising a kid to prove they should not have raised a kid? Science teaches us to get things right; it is about mastering facts. Since we can’t really do that, a lot of us do nothing.

Paul taught the elders that completing the task Jesus started is desirable, but what is required is being faithful, running the race to the end whether you win or not. After all, it is Jesus crucified that saves the world — people still don’t think that can be a successful approach! In spite of what typical people think,Paul demonstrates that the question is not always, “Is this going to work out right? Can I be assured this is going to get me where I want to go? Can I guarantee I won’t make mistakes and mess up my kids?” The question is, more fundamentally, “What am I given to do right now in my situation? What’s my best shot to take?” We’re not responsible for accurately predicting what should happen or for perfectly making the right thing happen. We’re to be as faithful as we can be according to our present understanding of our assignment. Science is good. But living is not scientific.

I am relieved that my limitations are OK, but I also don’t like it. I really want things to work out according to how I estimate what success will be. Presently, that would mean selling my condo for as much as I want, undermining Donald Trump, making a new church happen, and having all my relationships plugged in and playing. I like to get things done. I’m more like a lot of us who get overwhelmed with the needs they see. What about the prisoners? Shouldn’t I foster a child or mentor elementary kids? What about food insecurity? Climate crisis? There are still housing issues in North Carolina! If you read this blog, you know I’m moved by a NYTimes article every day! I think it is good that we want to save the world — we’re partners with the resurrected Jesus, after all. But not every assignment from heaven has my name on it.

American Christians tend to ask, “Where can I make the biggest impact?” I think it would be better to start with “What does it mean to be faithful today where I’m at?”  In Matthew 25 Jesus tells the parable about stewards taking care of the master’s money. A lot of preachers make that a story about how to be successful and not get thrown out of the Kingdom of God! But the key verse will always be: “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” We can probably do our best if we don’t spoil our efforts by gauging their future success or worrying too much about how much failure we’ve accumulated. The joy of the master is more a place of committed love than controlled outcomes. 

Eat the Bread of Life Instead: Memorial Day Psalm

A life in the Spirit, Poetry, , ,
June 14: Click the picture to access an interactive map

When the houselights came up and people did not chat,
…..when they jumped on their phones to occupy themselves
…..lest they be undistracted too long,
When curbs to a federal judge’s power to hold someone in contempt
…..were stealthily added to the bad billionaire budget,
When I went to the protest with all those grey heads
…..and noticed my black neighbors were checked out of the fight
…..and the man I love like a son refused to listen to news anymore,
When Stephen Miller gave the word to bomb Houthi civilians
…..and Pete Hegseth concocted a way to get Trump his Qatari jet,
When Israel decided to colonize the spit of land
…..the Gazans they are starving call home,
When Kivu, both Sudans, Somalia, Kashmir, Ukraine
…..frothed in the sea as mountains fell, and five years after George Floyd,
…..police kill more people than ever, and Kristi Noem is someone,
When my list went on,
I was tempted Lord.
Memorial Day was a bitter taste in my mouth.

But when I turned to you, I remembered wonder:
Remembered anxious people reaching out to yesterday’s rainbow like a life raft,
Remembered over 1000 events planned to counter Trump’s vanity parade —
…..the “Tanks-Rut-on-Constitution-Ave. Day,”
Remembered concerts of talented children making end-of-year music,
…..Remembered Bruce Springsteen taking the hits with his hits for us,
Remembered new neighbors checking to see if we need anything,
…..Remembered the dogged kindness of the people in my church,
…..Remembered how we somehow got a new cat who kisses,
Remembered that affliction breeds endurance which breeds character
…..which still breeds hope, born again.
It is hard to stay bitter in May.

God help me, I felt Memorial Day possibilities
…..despite the day’s repulsive hypocrisy —
…..business people wading into the ocean down the shore
…..in their Odunde-like appeasement to capitalist gods.
But, God help me, some old men said we were born for a time like this.

Don’t give up America.
…..People bled for your best ideas.
Don’t give up church.
…..People are looking for you right now.
Don’t give up leaders.
…..Your good intentions are enzymes in the body politic.
Don’t give up high school grads, college grads, music students.
…..A.I. avoiders and creators,
…..inheritors of a warming earth,
…..first victims of the billionaire world order.
Please make something better.

Yes. Exceptionalism is an illusion.
Yes. America-the-better won’t save you.
Yes. The whole thing is a grift right now.
Yes. Memorial Day is a celebration of power not love —
…..at least not the love of bread, wine and miracle.
But very few are listening for America or God,
…..just yet.
No one sacrificed for Donald Trump in Germany,
…..or would.
So yes. You’re right.
But remember Jesus, beloved country.
…..Turn into visions of born-again better.
When you’re tempted to feed your list to the phone
…..eat the Bread of Life instead.

Everyday worry: God’s love in uncertain times

A life in the Spirit, Spiritual direction, , , , , , , , , , , ,

As I look out my high-rise window right now, I can no longer see the Philly skyline. After a week of rain, we still have showers! — today the clouds are so low I am looking into one. Last year I think we had a drought, this year a deluge.

I felt like I was in a fog long before the clouds descended. I’m not alone. You might also feel like a dark cloud has dimmed the light since Trump took office and issued 150+ executive orders. Sometimes this thunder and flurry of paper feels like a storm cloud, but more often it just obscures our view of the future. I won’t go into the latest from his trip to the Middle East and the awful budget bill, the impact of tariff nonsense, general corruption, and Stephen Miller. I’ve done quite a bit of that lately.

Regardless of the details, the descent into authoritarianism is a cloud of worry over most of us. The other day I looked out into my life landscape and my generally positive future seemed nowhere in sight. I had the usual worry about clients and my relationships — but what about the country? What is happening to the church? Selling my condo has been Trumped. Other business interests are beginning to be impacted. The 27% of my zip code neighbors who live below the poverty line are being squeezed even more.

Worry is not good. There is help.

I was having trouble turning into the presence of God as I looked out my window and prayed, so I looked for some help. What I found might help you, too.

First, I went to the book I am reading: Companions on the Inner Way by Morton Kelsey. I thumbed back to s spot I had underlined. Kelsey notes how Jesus called God “Abba” and told us to do the same. He says “Abba” should be translated “Daddy,” not just Father. It is affectionate, familiar.

My own father was not as warm as I would have liked, so I have always relished my somewhat “secret” relationship with God I developed when I lived with him, which still feels warm. I am grateful for that.

I think many of us like Jesus the most when we see him with his disciples saying, “I will not leave you orphans, I will come to you.” I feel great sympathy for my clients who never had a parent who could be relied upon to show up in ways that communicated love to them. I have lamented with 30somethings who are still waiting for love to “happen” in their lives. They are still like children in the cradle waiting to be picked up. Or they are really “over” not getting picked up and will tell you they’ve given up on true love.

I was enjoying my relatively easy relationship with God when a stray thought wheedled its way into my mind. My somewhat passive acceptance of  God’s love is great, but I decided I needed to add some conviction to it. Lounging in God’s arms is good, especially when I am worried, and such repose should be constant. But in a day clouded with alarm everywhere I look, I think the feeling needs some kick.

Receiving grace should meet our conviction

My mind turned to the wonderful Romans 5

We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. (vv. 1-2)  

There is Abba gracing me with that wonderful safe place to stand every day and delight in the hope of glory. But Paul goes on with the kick.

And not only that, but we also boast in our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (vv. 3-5)

There is the conviction we need to apply. God’s love has been poured into my heart, and I’ve got plenty of affliction. Paul thinks that reality is going to result in something good. The Spirit is activating the conviction zone. I think of conviction as a response to the Spirit nudging me — that’s a good reason I discipline myself to pray every day, so I can get nudged.

Even more, conviction is the passionate action I take after I’ve turned into God’s embrace. My football coaches taught me this by saying (well, yelling at me a lot), “White, it is great you know the plays. But you don’t block and tackle with enough conviction (they probably said balls, or guts, and they really meant malevolence). If you don’t act with passion, nothing good will come of your understanding. I apply that lesson to loving. Love is a gift we experience from God; but it does not become something we live until it meets with  conviction and becomes our passion, too.

Love received. Love given.

I have so much experience with the Bible, I could then pull up two more places that guided me further. (Therefore, learn the Bible people).

I did not even try to remember where the phrase “mountains falling into the sea” was in the Bible. I Googled it. I guess I did not really need to find it. I knew the gist because I was experiencing it. I feel like the mountain of the U.S. I am used to is falling apart. It is unraveling before our eyes. A lot of us are watching it or trying to ignore it. And millions of us are convicted to respond. (Were you out on the street last Saturday? What are you planning for June 14?).

Google pointed me toward the famous Psalm 46. Here is the part I was looking for from Jonathan Alter’s translation:

God is a shelter and strength for us.
a help in straits, readily found.
Therefore, we fear not when the earth breaks apart,
when mountains collapse in the heart of the seas.
Its waters roar and roil,
mountains heave in its surge.

As I pondered that poetry in the middle of my dire straits, an old song rose up. It was very popular in the early days of our former church.

Even if you did not take the time to listen to it, just try on this mantra. It is the prayer of love meeting conviction:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters
wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my Savior.

These lines are a jolt in the middle of the song. When we sang it as a church, we would get progressively louder and more convicted as it repeated.  Glorious. I was glad to recall the experience the other day when mountains were falling and the waters were rising. I am called into new things in my old age. I need stronger faith for stronger worries.

Truly alive in the middle of uncertainty

I love how Oceans is a mash up of Psalm 46 and the story of Peter being called out of the boat in the storm. When we sing it, we start out being comforted by God in the middle of straits frothing as mountains crumble into them. Then the mantra reflects Peter seeing the Lord walking on water and getting out of his storm-tossed boat. I didn’t go to the Bible to find Peter’s story. I did not really need to, since I’ve heard it from flannel graph to commentary. What’s more, I’d just seen it on YouTube in an excerpt the creators The Chosen have uploaded. It is moving.

Even if you did not watch the scene, know that one of the good things about this video rendition is it does not shy away from the fact that we experience a lot of uncertainty and trauma which undermine our faith. We will always want to cry out and have Jesus save us and not leave us alone, just like we wished our parents had been more adept. God will not leave us orphans. At the same time, we will always need to grow out of our old selves and into our new – need to keep our eyes on Jesus and get out of the confines of our present understanding. Affliction produces endurance and endurance produces character.

Character is the fruit of conviction. We are not orphans. Great. But can you imagine a better time in history to have the love of God meet you in your trouble and energize your conviction to be truly alive in the middle of it and even make a difference? I keep telling myself “Endure the worry. Jesus is with you. The love of God is alive in you, even if the storm seems long.”

Is a sociopath training you for evil?: 8 ways to spot one and survive them

A life in the Spirit, Psychological growth, Spiritual direction, , , , , , ,

sociopath portrait

When I first saw Donald Trump’s “official portrait” I had to marvel at the audacious grandiosity of it. There is no hint of humility or welcome in it. It is designed to intimidate. It matches his endless talk about “winning.” I had to turn away, to try to put him away.

But after his re-election, I decided I needed to turn back and face what we are all facing in that face. A sociopath is president. And all the traits of that 4% of the population are now being worked into the government, into world society, and into our individual lives. No one has ever known what to do when these people get into power (which they normally don’t), except avoid them or kill them – but those are not immediate options for me. So I am at least trying to understand them and discern the most helpful responses God can suggest.

The definition of “sociopath”

I am using the term “sociopath,” even though “psychopath” would work just as well. Neither term has a well-differentiated definition and neither appears in the DSM – the repository of approved definitions for psychotherapists and researchers. I’m using the term because when I decided to turn into the topic, I happened upon the “go to” book for people trying to understand: The Sociopath Next Door published in 2005 by Martha Stout. Someone said it should be required reading for everyone experiencing the Trump phenomenon, so I read it.

Stout’s popular book starts with “antisocial personality disorder” (ASPD), which is in the DSM. She lists the disorder’s seven symptoms. Demonstrating any three of these could achieve the label:  1) failure to conform to social norms, 2) deceitfulness, manipulativeness, 3) impulsivity, failure to plan ahead, 4) irritability, aggressiveness, 5) reckless disregard for the safety of self or others, 6) consistent irresponsibility, 7) lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person.

There are plenty of critics of this definition, as with any in the DSM. Some say it just defines “criminality.” Stout lists further traits that point toward a more complete picture: 1) sociopathic charisma, 2) a grandiose sense of self worth, 3) the need for stimulation, risk taking, 4) pathological lying, defrauding, 5) callousness, no empathy, the inability to bond.

The Psychopathy Checklist: Screening Version (PCL:SV) provides a list of twelve traits and asks the assessor to evaluate credible evidence for giving  a participant a 0, 1, or 2 score. If someone scores above 17, they are a confirmed psychopath. 1) Superficial, 2) Grandiose, 3) Deceitful, 4) Lacks remorse, 5) Lacks empathy, 6) Doesn’t accept responsibility, 7) Impulsive, 8) Poor behavioural controls. 9) Lacks goals, 10) Irresponsible, 11) Adolescent antisocial behaviour, 12) Adult antisocial behaviour. One forensic psychologist dared to rate Trump, in absentia, with the help of descriptions in books and articles about him and felt sorry for the world.

Some professionals work hard to differentiate between a psychopath and a sociopath. This is a helpful article to that end. Some have characterized the difference with this simple phrase: sociopaths are made and psychopaths are born. Stout goes to some length to demonstrate the genetic and physiological roots of sociopathy that lead to their lack of conscience, the trait that makes them uniquely different human beings. But it also seems to be true that young people labeled with ASPD can give up their behavior in later years and develop well-adjusted relationships.

After reading up on sociopaths, I am again convinced, when it comes to human beings, most labels are suggestive, not definitive. And most behavior needs to be assessed on a spectrum, with the therapist maintaining an ongoing sense of curiosity about how common traits are working out in an individual.

The sociopath spectrum

There is a cluster of disorders on a spectrum that describes a small percentage of the population who have an out-sized influence on everyone else because of the conscience they barely have or lack altogether. It is a bit easier to see them if we inspect their intent. What do these poor disordered people want?

Start with Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the lower range of the spectrum (NPD = 0-6% of the population). They want to preserve the image that protects their weak ego. Some of them feel remorse and empathy and can make functional relationships. They have probably been severely wounded.

Next add people labeled with Anti-social Behavior disorder (ASPD = .02-3.3% of the population). They want to gain self-esteem from power, personal gratification or  pleasure. These people are also known as sociopaths, though, as noted before, people labeled so when they are young have been known to change. Some say trauma creates them.

Next add the sociopaths. The term is used, often arbitrarily, to describe anyone who is apparently without conscience and is hateful or hate-worthy. Sociopaths make it clear they do not care how others feel. They are more likely to react violently when confronted with the consequences of their actions which makes it very hard for them to maintain work and family life. But violence is not an inherent trait of sociopaths or psychopaths.  Sociopaths can form attachments, but it is rare and very difficult. Their environment probably exacerbates their innate inability to care.

The term psychopath is sometimes used describe a sociopath who is simply more dangerous, like a mass murderer. They have no conscience (about 4% of the population). The only thing they really want is to “win.” The psychopath pretends to care but fails to recognize other people’s distress. They can follow social conventions when it suits their needs. Psychopaths are unable to form genuine emotional attachments. They have fake and shallow relationships designed to further their goals, which could be small or large, and which are usually unimagined by the 96%.

In describing the sociopath/psychopath end of this spectrum of disorder, Stout describes such a person whose

most impressive talent is his ability to conceal from nearly everyone the true emptiness of his heart – and to command the passive silence of those few who do know. …He knows how to smile. He is charming…He lies artfully and constantly, with absolutely no sense of guilt that might give him away in body language or facial expression. He uses sexuality as manipulation and hides emotional vacancy behind various respectable roles – corporate superstar, son-in-law, husband, father – which are nearly impenetrable disguises.  And if the charm and sexuality and role playing somehow fail, [he] uses fear, a sure winner. His iciness is fundamentally scary. Robert Hares writes, “Many people find it difficult to deal with the intense, emotionless, or ‘predatory’ stare of the psychopath,” and for some of the more sensitive people in his life, [the stare may be] the dispassionate hunter gazing at his psychological prey. If so, the result will probably be silence.

Protect your conscience

I think the society is being trained by sociopaths, right now. The president is their leader. If you just go through the behaviors listed above, you probably have little doubt about many people in the news. The innumerable lawsuits being filed are all about combatting behavior on the sociopath spectrum.

If you are a Christian, you probably agree with the New Testament writers who teach that our consciences can be injured, and blunted — and if you develop a “hardened heart,” it can wreck your all-important relationship with God. There is a lot of healthy discussion in the Bible about maintaining a conscience that resembles Jesus’ and stays open to the Spirit of God. But let me give you the teaching in just one little book, 1 Timothy:

But the aim of such instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith. Some people have deviated from these and turned to meaningless talk, desiring to be teachers of the law without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make assertions. (1:5-7)

This charge I commit to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies made earlier about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, having faith and a good conscience. By rejecting conscience, certain persons have suffered shipwreck in the faith; among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have turned over to Satan, so that they may be taught not to blaspheme. (1:18-20)

Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will renounce the faith by paying attention to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared with a hot iron. (4:1-2)

If you feel like you must be living in the last days, you might be right. Pundits, protesters, prophets and preachers are working overtime to stand against the present “hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared with a hot iron.” As Paul teaches Timothy, having a living relationship with God, which keeps our consciences soft and clear, is a fundamental step in our self care.

8 ways to respond to a sociopath

There are many practical responses psychotherapists recommend when you are married to a psychopath, work with one, are led by one, or are just on the freeway with one.

  • Understand the tools of their trade

They are charm, seduction, and charisma — whatever draws us to let down our guard. Add the kind of “spontaneity” that draws you into taking risks you know are too much. Add acting skills — think Eve and the serpent. If you feel you are a step behind this person or your buttons are being pushed and you are being led along unwillingly, it is probably true.  Accept there are people with no conscience.

  • Watch the leader who says only they can save you.

They will seem good for you and then fold you into their aggressive plans. They use your empathy and compassion, creativity and desire-for-good against you. If your instinct tells you something is wrong with the leader, check out your instinct before proceeding — there are a few wolves in sheep’s clothing out there. Don’t hate everyone in case they are a wolf; just have discernment

In an age of lies, every light looks like a gaslight. If you think that, the sociopath wins their terrible game. Accept that people who find pleasure in dominating or scaring you are not like you. Their terrible behavior might be unimaginable, and you may blame yourself for being crazy to think they are terrible — and they will tell you that’s true. But remember that people with a conscience reflexively doubt themselves. Sociopaths don’t.

  • Habitually stand up to bullies.

In the age of psychopath billionaires competing with one another to win, many lesser bullies are being nurtured. If the 96% of us who have a conscience speak up and stand up to them, they tend to fold. You will have your doubts and fears, but you are not “rocking the boat,” you are keeping it afloat when you speak the truth in love.

  • Watch our for the “pity play”

Stout says “The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.” In Trump’s famous tweet, above, he brazenly says his impeachment, which was justified according to the evidence, is a “lynching.” But, of course. “We will win!”

  • Flee three-timers

One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding. Two may be a serious mistake. But three lies says you’re dealing with a liar. Deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out. Consider Jesus and liars:

Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot accept my word. You are from your father the devil, and you choose to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me. (John 8:43-45) 

  • Keep respect separate from fear

Many Christians have read in the Bible they are to “fear God.” They end up feeling overpowered by God and God seems like another predator in their jungle. But honoring God and others is what honorable people do, not coerced ones. Anxiety is not awe. A trauma reflex is not respect. “There is no fear in love.” Respect people who are strong, kind and morally courageous. When you obey out of fear, it is probably not in line with God or your own self-respect.

  • Don’t keep secrets for people

Obviously, confidentiality is a good thing, when appropriate. But you do not need to collude with people who beg you not to tell or insist you “owe” them silence in relation to their dirty deeds. You do not owe them anything. You are not part of their game, don’t play.

Most of these responses are very strong and do not sound loving — they are not normal for relating to people with a conscience. Definitions and lists make the process of discernment seem cut and dried. It is not. For instance, we cannot effectively label a person a sociopath, but even if we do, God is greater than psychopathy. Even if we are not certain, we must do our best to discern the motivation behind someone’s behavior and respond to them as they are, not according to their deception or our idealizations. We must attend to our personal health and the health of society. We might not have all the solutions or have the power to effect the necessary changes — but our voices matter; our responses matter. Having a clear conscience before God and others matters.

We can have some empathy for the conscienceless and imagine the horror they do not experience. Stout says:

Imagine — if you can — not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern for the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken … You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences, will most likely remain undiscovered. How will you live your life? What will you do with your huge and secret advantage?

But don’t offer them pity and don’t waste your time shaming them (which is essentially negative pity). Keep asking, “What are they doing with their huge, secret advantage?” And tell the truth about your answers, to yourself and to everyone who will listen.

________

Same picture going up on buildings

Call on your inner prophet: Light is needed

A life in the Spirit, Doing Theology, Spiritual direction, , ,

Mhosen Mahdawi (above), a leader of the anti-genocide protests at Columbia U. and also leader of the student Buddhist association, was released from two weeks of ICE detention in Vermont last week. Fortunately, his detainers missed the flight to Louisiana or the rapid action of his lawyers  might have been foiled.

Mahdawi has a reputation as a peacemaker, but he is not shy about speaking the truth, as any prophet would not be. Upon release, he had a simple word for President Trump from the courthouse steps. “I am saying it clear and loud. To President Trump and his Cabinet: I am not afraid of you.”

Buddhists, Jews, Palestinian Muslims and Christians, amoral “nones” and atheists, Evangelicals and Episcopalians all have some prophet in them, some more than others. Some of us are braver, but most of us feel compelled to tell the truth about situations that go against goodness and trample love. When the psychopath president and his abuse victims in the cabinet (at least according to Ann Coulter) say the defenders of the Gazans should be punished, the prophets keep talking anyway.

Afraid to be a protester

In the face of the terrible things the U.S. government is doing, a lot of people are finding their inner prophet, just like Mhosen Mahdawi. But most of us are still standing back and considering the costs.

The other day we were at the huge, union-sponsored protest “For the workers, not the billionaires” and heard Bernie Sanders rouse the crowd to action [PhillyCam]. Part of the  crowd was teargassed and over 70 people were arrested when they blocked 676  during rush hour, trying to get people to hear their prophecy: the nation belongs to everyone, not just the one percent. Some protesters wore their Palestinian regalia but covered their faces, since they are not sure what the government is capable of doing. Other faces. particularly brown ones, were not present at all, because they are rather sure what the government can do.

I don’t find it easy to go to protests. Last week, I had to navigate SEPTA, stand in the sun with a bunch of strangers, and deal with a strange counter-protester sitting on a statue. I also had to feel the absence of many people I know, Christians, in particular. Not only do they not see the value in protesting, they are somehow not paying attention to what is going on, or they don’t think anything is happening to them, so they are exempt from making anything happen.

I see it as part of my Christian duty to tell the truth, especially when the rulers are evil. So I find ways to lift my voice. I have been scared before. But I try not to let fear dull my conscience too much.

We’ve all got a prophet in us

If you follow Jesus, you have a voice. You have the inborn capacity to be a prophet. That’s how I read the Bible. And the Bible influences how I live my life.

Paul sent a one-liner about prophets back to his church plant in Thessalonica. I think we need to read it in a deeper way. He said, “Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast to what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:20-21).

I think most of us read that passage as if someone else is one of those weird, prophet types and we should at least listen to them in a discerning way. But I also think Paul is telling us not to despise the prophecy in ourselves. Each of us is testing everything according to the Spirit of God, who is in us and with us every day. We know what is good, and we need to hold on to it and hold it out like the light of the world we are.

Paul gets into this a bit more in 1 Corinthians 12. Part of the reason the protest leaders on May Day kept saying “When we are united across all our organizations, we are powerful” is not only common sense, it is part of the Christian influence on the United States. When Paul writes to the church in Corinth, he celebrates how we are all unique in our giftedness and in our value, and at the same time we are all part of a glorious whole. He says this in a variety of ways, but he starts off with, “There are varieties of gifts but the same Spirit” (v. 4).

At the end of his chapter, before he moves on to highlight the love that is the deepest part of all expressions of the Spirit, Paul says, “God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers” (v. 28) then goes on with his list. You may have a high opinion of apostles and prophets, the tag-team leaders of authentic Christian community, so you might relate more to “teachers.” You may have children, or you might have helped someone develop their jump shot — you can imagine being a teacher. I say, as surely as you can teach when called upon, you can prophesy. Now we are being called upon to prophesy. You may not be a gifted prophet like Bernie Sanders, but you have the same Spirit living in you that motivates a prophet. At some point, you are likely to be called on to exercise what you are given.

For the Christian, I think the protests should mainly be about speaking the truth in love, like  Mhosen Mahdawi has been trying to do. Love is at the heart of our prophesy. And our present federal leaders do not have love as their measure of how to govern, as far as I can tell. They are deadly and need to be stopped. I need to tell them to stop.

There is always danger

When there is trouble in the land, most people run for cover; they don’t automatically put their faces in places a drone is filming. Being a prophet inevitably causes trouble. John Lewis called his prophetic work “good trouble.” It is not just trouble for the evil doers, it is trouble for the prophet.

As the New Testament writers look back over Old Testament history, they find themselves in a long line of people who have been persecuted. When Jesus lists the marks of the new humanity he is creating in the Beatitudes, he ends with: “Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Prophets always face danger. It boils down to two main things: 1) rejection of themselves and their message, and 2) violence.

You may not get overtly rejected, beaten or killed. But you will likely be afraid of what might happen to you if you keep speaking the truth about the rulers in love — especially now that bullies run the government and they don’t care about the laws.

Old advice for a new prophet

If you are going to raise your voice along with the rest of us, on the street or wherever you get a chance, these basics might help you be a light in the darkness.

Difficulties with other people are normal.
Good troublemakers are still troublemakers. A prophet has to face being despised by priests and other “professionals,” being opposed by false prophets, and being rejected by familiar friends, even their own family.

We need to be grounded in discernment and compassion to handle God’s prophetic word.
A prophet must speak what God has given– not water down the message to make it more acceptable, must be aligned with previous revelation (like the Bible), must be prepared to bring the same message over and over again, and must let love rule what they say and do.

You will struggle with your own thoughts and feelings.
A prophet must be patient and wait confidently for the fulfilment of God’s prophetic word. They must allow critics to call them “traitors” to their country, their party, their clan, or their church, trusting God to vindicate them. They must accept the fact that they will be isolated as abnormal and disruptive and continue even though they torment their hearers.

You will be a blessing
A prophet must follow Paul’s teaching to “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them” (Rom. 12). We can know that Christ is with us, because persecution is one of those things which cannot separate us from the love of God (Rom. 8). You’re trying to do some good, not just call out bad people.

We need to rise from the dead
In troubled and perilous times, when all we have left is to exercise the rights they are trying to erase and the convictions they are trying to pervert, we must “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us” as Jesus has taught us (Matt. 5).

A prophet must expect the same treatment Jesus received: “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you” (John 15). But we must also expect to live in newness of life when we are taking to the streets. I think I share quite a few convictions with Mhosen Mahdawi, the AFL-CIO, Bernie Sanders, and the protester in D.C. with that great sign I am still singing with Mary  Poppins: super callous fragile racist sexist nazi potus. As angry as people are, protests are usually joyful — we’re trying to make something better together! It is encouraging to be so alive!

I want the U.S. to be a safe and loving place for everyone. I want real justice under good laws. But when I get into the street, I’m mostly motivated like Paul as he wrote in his letter to the Philippians (chap. 3):

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal, but I press on to lay hold of that for which Christ has laid hold of me.

If the light in us is dark, how great the darkness!