Tag Archives: Trump

It is revenge week: Check your marriage and other loves

A life in the Spirit, Film/TV, Marriage and Family, Spiritual direction, , , , , ,

I have been shocked, at times, by married couples who are committed to revenge. For instance, I discovered part of the engagement ritual for over 50% of millennials includes making a pre-nuptial agreement — for one of my clients, at least, it was to pre-game the inevitable vengeance they expected when they divorced.

Bush vows revenge. Click for video.

I wondered this week if such habitual revenge might be the American way. After all, it is 9/11 week and we paused to remember the thousands of people killed that day — and we’ve begun to remember who-knows-how-many first responders and others who were poisoned by the air they were encouraged to live in. What’s more, we endured the president trying to insert himself into the day as if he did something heroic in 2001– even if he did, no one would believe him at this point.

It is the week we are encouraged to reset our mind on revenge. Pete Hegseth connected the attack on the Pentagon on 9/11 to the present debacle in Iran, while quoting scripture inaccurately, saying the Pentagon is “ever vigilant” to “enemies who hate us.”

“We’re still sending terrorists where they belong—to hell. And tankers to the bottom of the ocean where they belong, and we are ensuring that Iran will never have a nuclear weapon. The economic pressure tightens every day.” – the gospel according to Hegseth

The ex-president, mayors, and billionaires came out to NYC so we could again be persuaded the 8 trillion dollars spent on the first 20 years of the Wars on Terror and the 900,000 people lost amounted to appropriate revenge.

Here in Pennsylvania, insult is added to injury since Senator Fetterman increasingly becomes some kind of Republican because he is convinced Israel’s ongoing genocidal revenge for the October 7, 2023 attack (by the ever-vengeful Hamas) on Israeli citizens is warranted. Maybe he is scared — if some politician questions the right of Israel to use overwhelming force in the cause of justice/revenge, they might be attacked by AIPAC. Although some Hasidic Jews are speaking out against it all.

It is obviously not just Americans who are vicious. I have Britbox now, so I know that one of the most popular shows is another remake of A Woman of Substance. The blatant theme of that story is revenge – what it does to ruin love and why the heroine does not care to be distracted from her purpose in spite of that fact.

Pray as you go

I wish everyone, especially married couples, would listen to the Pray as You Go session we heard as we walked on September 10. “Love your enemies” is what Hegseth should be quoting. If one cannot master the Sermon on the Mount she can skip the rest of the Bible until she does.

I loved the sweet song they offered. I might have altered the chorus to plead with God directly: “Lover of enemies, even the children of your Father, who can’t love their enemies, teach us to love.” Here is the link, if you want to try it out: [link].

The enemy is not in faraway Iran where we can bomb them from Las Vegas. The enemy is not just the Emma Harte in your life vowing to destroy your family. It is also the person you are love the most, who hurts you the best and arouses the temptation to take revenge. Let’s not give in, even if it seems normal.

Marriage is the lab of loving enemies.

Don’t get me wrong, I see people who have delightful mates who love them deeply even though they see them without rose-colored glasses.

But I am saddened by the many people I see who have been wounded, betrayed and even abused, deeply or slightly, who feel it is only right they should get even. Have we all been influenced by the War on Terror?

It is sad how petty we can be. We are tempted to monitor how we are being wounded, betrayed and abused in the most minute way. I hear people say,

  • “I know I am going to make them mad at me,”
  • so they are predisposed to to be hurt
  • and so feel justified to “get even”
  • even before anything has happened!

Their mate is under surveillance! What in the world is “even” in a relationship anyway? I can understand developing reciprocity, but let’s not measure it.

On our neighborhood group chat the other day, a wife suggested her husband should not go out and talk to the person shaking our windows with the bass they were blasting because, “There are too many  hateful, crazy people out here!” So much for all you need to love.

Let me say again, being hateful to someone hateful results in more hatefulness. Assuming others are crazy before you know them is craziness. Keeping your sweet, religious husband from talking to strangers is stealing his joy. Avoiding the possibility of conflict or the work of reconciliation will not bring peace.  We need to build love, sanity, joy and peace person by person, if necessary. Right? Marriage is a basic place to do it.

Is revenge how we “stay safe?”

Revenge is about control and certainty — my own power to keep myself safe. We can see how nations failed to succeed at that in Afghanistan and Gaza. I regularly see the same goal unmet by married partners who won’t give up on it. These are a few questions I had this week when I thought about that:

  • Can’t such a person see they are making their mate afraid to commit some tiny infraction? Whatever they do is scrutinized. “You did not say anything after I weeded the garden.” or “You left your socks out.” A lot of sentences include “you.” And a lot of them imply, I need to be able to rely on you to not mess up what I require — or else.
  • Do you really need to correct things your mate says? They seem to be in a competition for who is the rightest, as if being right will protect something. I am usually in a small group of married couples most weeks. It is common to have one partner tell a story and the other one to edit it. You need to defeat their sentence?
  • Do you really need a pre-nup? One person said they were afraid to get married if they couldn’t nip the potential revenge in the bud. I am sad if it was already budding during the engagement! I am almost positive the relationship is going to have a high hurdle of mistrust to overcome on the way to a harmonious life together. You hired adversarial, U.S. lawyers to preside at your pre-marriage ceremony?
  • Aren’t you spreading hopelessness when you can’t forgive you partner for not healing your childhood wounds? I was musing about someone wanting to “be found” last week. That desire is kin to being “seen” and “known” — experiences most people want. But digging in your heals in front of various doors to intimacy until you are satisfied your partner has met your demands may not be the best way to receive what you need. Certainty-or-else seems like a recipe for relationship disaster.

We have a lot of ways to get even. Therapists call them “micro aggressions” when they are relational paper-cuts getting infected. Sometimes the aggression goes nuclear and activates the pre-nup! Unfortunately, a lot of us think that’s just normal life.

Preoccupation with getting and being even, staying safe, exercising control undoubtedly has many good reasons behind it; none of the reasons create trust and deepen love. We might want to start unraveling it by considering how the U.S. society has been promoting revenge for the past 25 years. Maybe we’re trained for it.

Some of your fear about being invaded and your commitment to preserve first-strike capabilities might be in league with The War on Terror. But any hint of relational terrorism in a marriage sets off the cycle of revenge everyone is already afraid of.  To be happy, we could at least not meet revenge with revenge. At best, we could love our enemies.

****************

It is John Chrysostom Day! Get to know this famous leader in the early church at The Transhistorical Body.

What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?

A life in the Spirit, Building community, Climate, Doing Theology, Life as the church, The Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It is hard to know “what to do” with anyone, of course. But we are going to do something, regardless. So we should get it as right as we can.

When it comes to what we’re going to do with corrupt leaders, and I can name a few, there are many wrong ways to go. But every way makes a difference. You matter. And if this is how you think about that: unfortunately, you matter.

I think the last sixteen months have been a whirlwind of wrongness. So I am writing to add to the opprobrium which is daily launched in the direction of wrongdoers. We all might be a little wrong; but don’t worry, the Bible will help you.

Prophesying to the drivers in Ardmore

The first answer to “What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?” should probably come from Jeremiah: TELL THE TRUTH, as in PROPHESY!

This is a part of the Bible that especially inspired me last week:

The wise shall be put to shame;
    they shall be dismayed and taken;
since they have rejected the word of the Lord,
    what wisdom is in them?
Therefore I will give their wives to others
    and their fields to conquerors,
because from the least to the greatest
    everyone is greedy for unjust gain;
from prophet to priest,
    everyone deals falsely.
They have treated the wound of the daughter of my people carelessly,
    saying, “Peace, peace,”
    when there is no peace.
They acted shamefully; they committed abomination,
    yet they were not at all ashamed;
    they did not know how to blush.
Therefore they shall fall among those who fall;
    at the time when I punish them, they shall be overthrown,
            says the Lord. — Jeremiah 8:9-12

The first answer to the question presumes people who follow Jesus would not take corruption lightly any more than Jesus did. He was especially direct with the Pharisees, who thought they were “conservative.”

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and of the plate, so that the outside also may become clean.”

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside look beautiful but inside are full of the bones of the dead and of all kinds of uncleanness. So you also on the outside look righteous to others, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” — Matthew 23:25-8

But we can’t presume most of the Christians in the U.S. will take corruption seriously, can we? They seem to think they are serious about the Bible but they are taking Trump’s corruption very lightly, even encouraging it as a means to return the country to “greatness.”

So when we ask “What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?” we have to start with:

They regularly follow them

They sing “It is well with my soul” – the corrupt leader is restoring order in the name of Jesus. And if that order makes me richer and corrals people I secretly hate, all the better.

What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?

They pretend they do not exist

I think this is more prevalent. American Christians, by and large, retreated into having a private faith a long time ago. They are not Jeremiahs!

They sing: “It is well with my soul” —  My faith is a soul matter, not a public matter. I don’t get involved with politics.

To be clear, as American Christians are pretending, by and large, they are swallowing a boatload or corruption. Pretending is not inaction, it takes quite an effort to quash reality!

  • The most damning Epstein files are still hidden.
  • J.D. Vance is fronting a push to combat fraud in public services by illegally withholding $1.3 billion in Medicaid payments from California.
  • Trump has fired or demoted twenty inspectors general during his terms—the people who are key to oversight. In 2024 alone the people he has since fired or sidelined identified more than $50 billion in waste and abuse.
  • Trump has pardoned or commuted the sentences of more than 70 donors or allies who were convicted of fraud. One, Philip Esformes, was convicted of stealing $1.3 billion from Medicare.
  • The Trump family has pocketed over $600 million through cryptocurrency enterprises this year.
  • Trump’s sons Eric and Don Jr. have invested in a drone manufacturer that is trying to sell weapons to Persian Gulf countries currently at risk from the war their father started in Iran.
  • The Pentagon recently awarded a $24 million contract to a robotics startup for which Eric is the “chief strategy advisor.”
  • Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, has acted as a chief negotiator for the U.S. in the Middle East. at the same time he has been trying to raise $5 billion from investors there for his investment firm.
  • Corporations and billionaires have dropped millions of dollars in donations for Trump’s ballroom where the East Wing used to be and his proposed presidential library in Miami.
  • Trump had raked in more than $2 billion for his projects or causes, more than half a billion of it from 346 people who each gave at least $250,000. Some of those people have received presidential pardons, others have been given jobs, and all have received access to the president.
  • Trump is using the planned Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) event to be held on his birthday on the White House lawn as a new way for donors to funnel money to him. Ringside seats have been selling for $1 million or more. Neither the White House nor the UFC will comment on where the money is going.
  • Trump took seventeen CEOs with him to China, along with his son Eric, who runs the family business. Paul Krugman said, “He might as well have been walking around Beijing with a sign that says—in block capitals, of course, this is Trump—BRIBE ME.”
  • Miami residents are suing Trump and others to stop the construction of Trump’s presidential library, charging that state officials violated the Constitution’s emoluments clause when they transferred almost three acres of prime waterfront land, worth between $67 million and $300 million, to Trump’s library foundation for $10. Trump has already said he wants to build a hotel on the site rather than a traditional library.
  • The Department of Justice was working with Trump to settle his $10 billion lawsuit against the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) after a contractor during Trump’s first term leaked tax returns from thousands of wealthy individuals to the media. They want to settle before it goes to court, where he will probably lose
  • Trump offered to drop the lawsuit in exchange for the government’s establishing a $1.7 billion fund to compensate his allies who claim they were harmed by the Biden administration’s “weaponization” of the DOJ —  this includes nearly 1,600 people convicted of committing crimes related to the January 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol, people Trump pardoned or commuted the sentences of shortly after he took office in January 2025.

What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?

They manage them

They take a lot of responsibility for the world. So Christians work very hard to make sure Jesus is not shown up to be powerless and make sure they don’t get in trouble for doing a bad job. People with a narcissistic wound control or manipulate others to protect their fragile egos and avoid their shame — they manage them, all the time. There is an epidemic of such woundedness in the church.

They sing: “It is well with my soul” – I can make others well like I should be.  I need to keep things under control. Everyone needs to stay safe.

This grandiosity regularly falls apart. Since there are too many plates to keep spinning and they are the only ones they trust to spin. Besides, the corrupt people often have no conscience, so managing them is more like feeding them your power.

What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?

They undermine them

They sing “It is well with my soul” – I am on the frontline of justice

I don’t think justice is the solution to all the earth’s problems. But without that first step, it is hard to get anywhere else. Our efforts need to be as endless as God’s.

But we need to be honest, people wrestling for power, even in the name of justice, never have rest for their souls. Feeling unwell about something can be addctive. Just witness the work of Climate Defiance, one of my favorites activist groups. This is from last week’s newsletter:

We absolutely NAILED Xavier Becerra. We ruined his whole event. It was so beautiful and so brutal all at once. It was so necessary. You must watch. You can see it here.

Our protest was not just an act of public humiliation. It was an act of JUSTICE.

If you’re just tuning in, Big Oil Becerra is the front-runner for Governor of California. He wants the prestige. He wants the power. We must stop him. Here’s why:

He took $39,000 from Chevron – the maximum contribution. It’s their first time getting involved in the governor’s race there in a decade. Then he defended the legalized bribe, proclaiming, verbatim “they’re not the bad guy.”

Are you serious?

Is it giving kids asthma that he’s ok with? Or spreading climate misinformation? Or searching for new oil reserves when current ones contain enough carbon to make earth unlivable? Which of these things specifically is he ok with? I would like to know.

He then doubled down. He said: “Does everybody here drive an electric vehicle? You need Chevron, I need Chevron, my people of the state of California need Chevron.”

Jesus. Electric vehicles were invented in the 1800s. Companies like Chevron are the main REASON we are not driving them. They have poisoned our political system and blocked the transition.

What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?

They overthrow them

It started with the Roman Empire and kept going in response to every empire-builder since. Yes, so-called Christians have often been on the wrong side. We get sucked into power struggles, too. But wherever there is prayer and community, Jesus-followers are a burr under the saddle of corrupt rulers.

They sing: “It is well with my soul” – I am well and I feel it. You can’t keep me from the love of Jesus no matter what you do. Being well with Jesus allows me to turn my cheek and so turn the world upside down.

Tennessee Democrats locked arms on the House floor in protest of a the redistricting vote that split the state’s only majority-Black Democrat Congressional district on May 7, 2026, in Nashville, Tennessee.

I suspect most of the Tennessee reps protesting the racial gerrymander of Tennessee voting districts are church people. Their two outspoken young leaders, Justin Pearson and Justin Jones were immediately juxtaposed with pictures of Martin Luther King on social media when they got carted off the statehouse floor . They were just saying, “Since the Confederates rule in Washington right now and they say there is no racial discrimination under the law, regardless of the Voting Rights laws that have ruled since the 1960’s, we cannot be silent.” In the picture, Jones’ sign says it all.

What do Christians do with corrupt leaders?

They are a resistant alternative to them

They sing: “It is well with my soul” – Life is worth living and Jesus says I am worthy of living it. We are made to make something which is fit for Jesus and which can withstand the tribulations of the present. I’m referencing Ephesians 4 and 5:

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be associated with them, for once you were darkness, but now in the Lord you are light. Walk as children of light, for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness; rather, expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what such people do secretly,  but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Sleeper, awake!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

Be careful, then, how you live, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil — Ephesians 5:6-16

I am astounded that Canticle: A Novel by Janet Rich Edwards has actually been a NY Times editors choice. I enjoyed reading it for another look at one of my favorite centuries: the 13th and one of my favorites places: Bruges. What’s more it centers on some of my favorite Christians; the Beguines.

I was encouraged by the book, but even more encouraged that people were talking about  it and what it means to know God and live life as a member of his people. The grassroots devotion of the Beguines and their male counterparts, the Beghards upended their society and the corrupt church ruling it. Over and over again, the Holy Spirit has stubbornly inspired Jesus followers to risk losing their place in the corrupt system which corrupt men  made for them and risk following Jesus with all they’ve got. We create an alternative society to the passing away world.

This coming Sunday is Pentecost Sunday, the most radical Sunday of the year. It should launch us into planting seeds of hope whether the soil is rocky or not because one of those seeds is very likely to take root anyway. Pentecost should cause us to look at our lives and our church and reimagine them in the light God sees us, full of love and potential, poised for creation. Pentecost, at the very least, should wake us up from the stupor-inducing rule of the present oligarchs.

Inner health prevents the death of resistance: Four goals for the persistent

A life in the Spirit, Psychological growth, Spiritual direction, The Mission, , , , , , , , ,

Last week, I suggested to several clients that their anxiety and short-tempered reactions were partly about living under the “Trump Cloud.” We are all there.

I, for one, am convinced the president presides over a sociopathic corruption scheme — so you can see what my cloud looks like! Others may be less interested or engaged than I am, or even in favor of a Trump autocracy — but even the 41% who approve of him live under the endless disruption barging into every day. The last few weeks have been dominated by a huge, instant war and further revelations from the Epstein files about Trump’s sexual relations with young girls. It is overwhelming for us all.

As a result, we seem more unhinged. For instance, the most interesting thing that happened to me yesterday was coming to a complete, inexplicable halt on the onramp to 76 from 676 in downtown Philly. This is where the two-lanes of freeway condense into one. It is always a jam up and frustrated people often do less-than-sane things there. But this was unusual. We must have been stuck for ten minutes (or so it seemed), so some people got out of their cars to see what was the matter, so I did too. It appeared to me that the sportscar had tried to squeeze in and the SUV bumped it to protect its right to the lane. The two drivers were out of their cars and arguing, letting the rest of us sit. Word was, the SUV would not give up his info. They were waiting for the police. The sportscar was convinced to pull over and let us pass, so I got by and did not see what finally happened.  But I still wonder, “What are we coming to? Were these guys so angry and distrustful, now so sociopathically tutored, that they, too, were claiming territory and didn’t care what happened to the rest of us?”

Stranger things are likely to happen under the cloud

What do we do to survive this era and help make a change? Here is how this post answers that question: We need to heed the many reminders about how spiritual and psychological health leads to good social change.

Yes, there are loads of strategies for how to resist effectively and how to build the future. But all of them are founded on our inner truth and love. Daniel Hunter says: “Authoritarian power is derived from fear of repression, isolation from each other and exhaustion at the utter chaos. We’re already feeling it. Thus, for us to be of any use in a Trump world, we have to pay grave attention to our inner states, so we don’t perpetuate the autocrat’s goals of fear, isolation, exhaustion or constant disorientation.”

Trump’s second term arrived at a time of great social distrust — much of it amplified by him to gain power and wealth. But he did not generate our distrust. Across the board, society already had a reduced trust in traditional institutions. We distrust the media, medical professionals, experts and politicians – for good reasons, since they are cooperate stooges. But our distrust is deeper than that. We also distrust most local and neighborhood associations and membership groups, like churches, the PTA and all those new protest orgs. Whether from COVID or political polarization, a lot of us have even experienced reduced trust in friends and family. We can’t even trust predictable weather anymore.

You can track the development of our mistrust by noting the popularity of Stranger Things (Netflix 2016) which is about the power of human connection and courage in the face of the unknown and unexplained, and Game of Thrones (2011-19) which is about the struggle for the iron throne and how people who want power will do anything to get it, even in the face of the Great Other. Both juxtapose the normal and the paranormal as key parts of the show’s narrative and thematic structure. And both distill how nothing is what it seems to be — and so can’t be trusted.

The distrust spawned by the billionaire/hedge fund extraction project to break American democracy fueled the engine of autocracy because it makes us much easier to divide.  Trump’s tweets/rhetoric encourages it — telling people to distrust  immigrants,  Democrats, socialists, people from Chicago, women marchers, Mexicans, the press, Iranians, transpeople and so on. It becomes a social disease when people decide if a person is trustworthy on the basis of who they tell us not to trust! I spent a lot of my career as a pastor trying to create systems that provided an alternative to this distrust, but a lot of people did not trust me or the system I led, either. However, I persist.

Here are four basic suggestions for how to develop more inner resistance under the Trump cloud, which is not disappearing any time soon, beginning with regaining some trust for yourself.

Trust yourself

We have been gaslighted so thoroughly, it is very difficult to trust our own decisions, even our own thoughts. A lot of us are perfecting dissociation in a vain attempt to weather the trauma we live in.

Trust-building starts within each of us. We need to trust our own truth and love. If you are following Jesus you can trust His truth and love making you whole. Regardless, this development includes trusting your own eyes and conscience, as well as guarding your heart from the crazy-making. Like Elon Musk determined to break the government with DOGE, breaking your inner resistance to unreality is also part of the domination scheme. (Bernie Sanders recently had a chat with Claude about this). Always remember: YOU MATTER.

Trust building is trusting yourself and also being trustworthy.  We should be reliable friends, but all the parts of our inner selves should also be friends. We need to trust that the “I AM” of each of us is going to show up to help us flourish no matter what. We need an inner trust that acknowledges fear and lets that feeling pass through. We need trust that can endure the uncertainty that nags us. We need to let the “cloud” be real so we know a lot of the troubling things we feel are about the cloud, not us.

This trust building will take some time and effort, of course. We’ll need to take care of ourselves if we want the world to change. If you’re tired, take some rest. If you’re scared, make some peace. (Here is a nice list of suggestions for how to stay grounded [link]). A good starting point, for now, is to listen to the voice in you that seems the most trustworthy. Don’t keep checking your phone for validation, check yourself. Don’t keep reading this if you need to take a walk or go find a tree to feel.

Find others who you trust

We have been atomized and isolated so effectively a lot of us don’t even think about trusting people. We are on our own — and that emotional landscape we inhabit, inside and out, makes a big difference.

In The Origins of Totalitarianism, Hannah Arendt explored how destructive ideologies like fascism and autocracy need loneliness to grow. She used the word verlassenheit — often translated as loneliness — as a central ingredient. As she meant it, loneliness isn’t a feeling but a kind of social isolation of the mind. One’s thinking becomes closed off to the world and becomes dominated by a sense of being abandoned.

Arendt was talking about Hitler and Stalin, but she is describing the societal breakdown we’re all experiencing, too. Trump is working on the breakdown every day. The constant attacks on social systems: teachers, health care, civil servants, courts, etc. — make us turn away from leaning on each other and towards ideologically simple answers that increase isolation (e.g. “distrust government,” “MAGA is nuts,” “anyone who votes that way doesn’t care about me”).

We have to consciously bridge that distance. People are finding ways to do that. For instance, in my church, a couple of women started an action group. People who made pods during Covid are still travelling together. Indivisible and Singing Resistance are creating new groups all the time. Most of these little groups, like the one in our church, are lamenting how little we are doing. But our very existence is resistance.

Finding just a few people who you trust to regularly act with and touch base with is central to defeating autocracy. We need to use our mutual trust to explore our own thinking and support each other to stay sharp and grounded.

Grieve

No matter what we try to do, there is going to be loss. So we will need to grieve well to live well. We will need to save our capacity to compartmentalize, rationalize, intellectualize and ignore for things like working in a large corporate structure or sorting out the basement. If we use those capacities to defend against our feelings, grief can damage us body and soul like a Kona storm sitting over Hilo.

If you aren’t a “feelings person,” let me say it this way: The inability to grieve is a strategic error. After Donald Trump won in 2016, we all saw people who never grieved; they just worked harder or avoided harder. They didn’t look into their feelings and the future — and as a result they remained in shock. They are still saying, “I can’t believe he’s doing that.” Believe it. Grieve it.

The alternative to perpetual shock is grieving — quite deliberatively, if necessary. Start by naming and allowing the feelings which arise when you confront the “stranger things:”

  • Trump left the Paris Climate Agreement and California has a March heatwave.
  • I daydream about Trump. We all wake up to bat-shit crazy headlines each morning.
  • Trump builds giant detention center for Markwayne Mullin to oversee. The Pitt has ICE coming into the ER.
  • Now it is Iran, tomorrow it is Epstein, then maybe the elections will be invalidated.

Making such a list, especially with someone you trust is health-generating. We begin to identify the sadness, anger, numbness, shock, confusion and fear. We grieve. We come out of our daze and experience acceptance. [A Spell for Grief or Letting Go]

Release what you cannot change

We are so trained to believe our individual power is the most important thing in the world all we think we can do is control something or someone. And if you are as realistic as I think you are, you already admitted control is not working well.

During the rise of the Nazis, Reinhold Niebuhr wrote the Serenity Prayer, which AA loves so much:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Trump’s presidency is deliberately making activists, especially, and all of us, feel overwhelmed. There is so much we feel we need to do and it is hard to accept we cannot do it all – at least I feel that way.  For instance, this week my interest in plastics was revived in my overall despair about climate change in the middle of an oil war. So I took the hour it took to commit to a way to do my little part. But I also saw how few hours I had. Chaos is a friend of the autocrat. One way we can unwittingly increase that chaos is by jumping into the abyss of needing to do it all.

I cannot say I am completely successful at this, but I use my journal to help me sort out what is the best I can do instead of what is the most I can do — what am I given to do as opposed to what needs to be done. I suggest we all take ourselves seriously enough to get some clarity on what is important these days. If we are just coasting through, we might get run over. If we think we are a semi when we are a Civic, we may burn up the engine. If you are in a small group trying to do something meaningful, like in church, be sure to press for a focus, not just be a committee-full of people-pleasers attempting to be inclusive and just ending up an ineffective potpourri.

It is spiritual and psychological health that will lead to good social change. That means trusting ourselves, sticking with others we trust, grieving well and releasing what we cannot change. It requires at least that much of us. We all know people who think they can sit out this challenging time. I feel with them. But I am still patiently impatient for the goodness of God to be seen and respected and put into action in our warming, war-torn world. Nurture that inner life you’ve been given, the best you — it’s the key to making a difference when we really need something new.

Pray for Christians to stop falling for fascism

A life in the Spirit, Spiritual direction, The Mission, , , , , , , ,
Pieter Brueghel the Younger — The Request of the Mother of the Sons of Zebedee c.1620

Fascism is modern word for the oldest con in the book. Even the mother of the Sons of Thunder fell for it.

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came to him with her sons, and kneeling before him, she asked a favor of him.  And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Declare that these two sons of mine will sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.” …

When the ten heard it, they were angry with the two brothers. But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. It will not be so among you, but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave, just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many.” — Matthew 20:20ff

The only imagination she had was that her promising sons would be at the top of Jesus’ pyramid with him. Jesus immediately turned her pyramid upside down and asked her sons if they knew what they were talking about.

Misguided Christians have been turning the Lord’s pyramid upside down ever since. Even back in early times, most of the church was actually delighted to have the Roman emperor, Constantine, take leadership! Millions have submitted to an irrefutable King Pope (or Mormon Prophet), or they have set up their big-box church pastor as Lord. It is no surprise, but it is a crying shame so many so-called Christians embrace strong-man Trump. He’s one of the greatest con artists in history, even though his lies are transparent. Nevertheless, they fall for the fascism.

Trump and many like-impaired leaders around the world: Putin, Erdogan, Orban, Xi and most of the members of Trump’s Board of Peace, are just the latest versions operating the old con. It is as old as those very first Priest-Kings, who claimed ownership over all the land and people, conscripting soldiers for enforcement, engaging a merchant class for management, and carving a deity in their image to justify it.

Basic fascism

Matthew Cooke says: “Fascists are not some fringe, backwoods cult. Let’s just go over their character traits again:

  1. military-worshiping separatists
  2. inflated by a glorious imaginary history
  3. humiliated by a persecution complex
  4. slammed by trillions of dollars of propaganda promising we can only reclaim our standing in the world if we devote our lives to maintaining a pyramid scheme run by an Epstein-class.

That does not describe just one half of congress.” It describes our entire political and economic framework. It is the framework in which we are all living.

The Parable of the Rich Fool by Rembrandt, 1627.

Jesus so clearly says goals based on greed and a lust for control over the future are for fools:

And he said to them, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Then he told them a parable: “The land of a rich man produced abundantly. And he thought to himself, ‘What should I do, for I have no place to store my crops?’ Then he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.’ But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God.”    — Luke 12:15-21

Why do even our Christian reformers think they can change the system by redecorating the control room? America needs to repent in a lot of ways, but that does not merely mean electing a Democrat! “Repent” means “change your mind,” but it also means change your direction; it means respond to your new understanding by changing your allegiance. Most Americans are working to feed a machine that produces only one fruit. We eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and it’s not just rotten to the core, it’s poison. The fruit of the bad tree is so evident, it is hard to know where to start pointing that out.

But just think about what it means to level Gaza and bomb Iran while calling yourselves the people of God! Even more, think about who secretly profits off the carnage and the carnage-making capabilities these wars foist on the world. And think about this tax season: 20-25% of working folks’ gross income will go to Trump sending $20 billion to Argentina!! The estimated cost of the Iran build-up and first attack on Iran was $630 million, by Wednesday the cost was $1 billion, and now they are over a week into it at a billion dollars a day!

The antidote to the poison

The political antidote to this poison is basic human rights for all. Or, as Jesus said when one of the scribes asked him,

“Which commandment is the first of all?” Jesus answered, “The first is, ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one;  you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” — Mark 12:28-31

Love is the antidote. Again, Matthew Cooke says: “If we allow anyone, any political structure, to pretend one group of people are better than another, and condition rights for any reason: political beliefs, religion, ethnicity, citizenship, we reduce rights to permits that are revocable by the state at the discretion of whoever happens to be in office.”

The revocation machinery is in place and it is being used right now. It might not be you it’s being used on, but it will get to you. And you may already be afraid of it getting to you, which means they might not even have to directly threaten you to control you. “This is how fascism operates. It doesn’t necessarily abolish universal dignities right away. It conditions them — on obedience to the machine.” That’s how the Nazis did it and that’s how the Trump regime and the 1% and their corporations are doing it.

Fascism has been called the final form of capitalism.

Fascism is the logical culmination of the American economic system, if capitalism means giving those with the traits required to amass the most wealth and power the keys to every market and the strings to every political puppet. Benito Mussolini of Italy built an entire political system on this fusion of business and state power in the 1930’s, and gave it the modern name “fascism.” This model for a society exists in total opposition to every great teaching since the dawn of time, from Plato to Confucius, from indigenous wisdom on every continent to all three religious branches that harken back to Abraham.

One last time for Cooke: Fascism “can only occur because law enforcement has been allowed to hunt people, kidnap them, and force them into labor and concentration camps ever since our founding fathers invented a myth-of-a-pure-people just for us 250 years ago. Human rights have always been conditional here, revocable by the state.

The antidote to the poison of fascism, of ethno-nationalism, of this violence and priest-king worshipping cult – also melts the pyramid to the ground — and the billionaires, and the Epstein class along with it” (looking at you Peter Thiel). It starts with this first principle: there must be universal human rights for all the citizens of planet Earth.  Regardless of which part of what continent they were born on or what word they use for the One unfathomable reality that must precede all beginnings and endings, the One closer than the innermost and further outside all that can be seen and not seen.

Basic resistance

At some point, we’ve got to stop paying for and then just redecorating our staterooms on the Titanic.  We’ve got to change our minds about where we live and adopt an alternative story about how life is to be lived. We need to following basic, Sermon on the Mount teaching, now that it really matters:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If, then, the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

No one can serve two masters, for a slave will either hate the one and love the other or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. — Matthew 6:19-24

Following means shining the light strategically, assertively and persistently and forming an alternative.

The Epstein class does not maintain power because it is stronger. It has always been vastly outnumbered. It maintains power because it has mastered how to coordinate us and we haven’t. The surveillance state, the corporate control over all our markets, a false church under a false idol, and its armies of secret police are all coordination technologies. They allow a small group to act as one, while keeping the majority of us divided, fearful, and fighting each other instead of the fascist system. That is the system which is going to get back 20-25% of the wages it deigned to give us in order to provide “greatness” and “freedom.”  For one thing, are you getting what you supposedly paid for? Is greatness Trump demolishing the White House illegally and putting up a cheap-looking but not cheap ballroom? More importantly, would Jesus “buy in” to the system? Can you imagine him lining up to pay for ICE?

Fascism rewards obedience. It punishes community cooperation. It uses racism, nationalism, colors like red vs. blue — when it’s never been left vs. right, it’s always been up vs. down. But as long as the neighbor, the foreigner, the other is the enemy, the system is safe.

Every coordination trap has a breaking point.

Repentance matters. The moment enough people defect from the dominant strategy, the calculus shifts for everybody. Suddenly, obedience is no longer the safe move, and cooperation is. We’re already seeing it happening. A narrative shift is taking root. Minneapolis helped it form a lot more. A new story is one weapon nobody can defeat. A new story can bring an empire to its knees in months. That’s why the Ellisons bought Paramount Global in 2025 — CBS, MTV, Nickelodeon, and Paramount Pictures, and that’s why they are closing a deal Warner Bros. Discovery right now – including HBO and CNN. They want story control, better coordination. Fortunately, we have new names for these plutocrats: the Epstein class, the Trump crime family, the billionaires/oligarchs. We are on to something new.

 We can pull down the strongholds with a new-for-some-but-old-for-Jesus-followers story and three organizing tools. There are successful ways people have used to undermine authoritarian regimes.

  1. Labor withdraws cooperation. That includes mass strikes. (probably led by organized labor).
  2. Civil disobedience makes the cost of enforcement unsustainable. (probably led by the church, which should be innately disobedient to sociopaths, anyway).
  3. We starve the system of the capital it needs. That means boycotts of some kind (people are making lists for us).

Fortunately, we don’t necessarily need a majority of the country to cause the change we all need. A Harvard study found that when 3.5% of a population engages in sustained disruptive action, toppling of fascist regimes is possible (Chenoweth and Stephan, 2011). So when we get engaged, we are not just being idealistic, we are doing math. History suggests that the breaking-point moment is always much closer than the latest Epstein-like crime syndicate wants us to believe.

What is the cost if we do not take action?

If we do not take action we lose everything we need and want from our society: our rights, our dignity, our water, our glaciers, our food, our safety, our taxes, our connection to our whole human family, our capacity to freely care for others, our freedom to use our gifts to create and serve as God leads us. The cost of not taking action now is the loss of the future for our children. Given the technologies we depend on, we cannot survive without cooperation — not the cooperation of the ruling classes, but cooperation between the people of the world, our hub cities linked in a mutually-benefiting web. Our children are counting on us.

Truly, if we do not take action, we endanger our souls. If Christians are in the forefront in these efforts by the example of their way of life and their courageous truth-telling and resistance, they will answer the Lord’s prayer as he prepared for the cross:

I have said this to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution, but take courage: I have conquered the world!”

After Jesus had spoken these words, he looked up to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son so that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all people, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him….

All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I have been glorified in them.  And now I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one.  — John 16:33, 17:1-2, 10-11.

2026 Psalm: Hold on for dear life

A life in the Spirit, Poetry, ,
Trump at Davos

Lord, eight countries
bombed in one year —
our president’s distinction
alphabetically:
Iran, Iraq,
Nigeria, Palestine,
Somalia, Syria,
Venezuela, Yemen.
Add Minnesota.
We’re great again.

Meanwhile, you heard,
his peacemaking claims:
Thailand/Cambodia,
Congo/Rwanda,
Israel/Hamas,
Israel/Iran,
India/Pakistan,
Armenia/Azerbaijan,
Egypt/Ethiopia,
Serbia/Kosovo.
He wants a prize
before he dies.

Did you notice the peace?
You saw the deals made,
gilded with self-interest.
But no love was shed
by the spider, the snake,
the toddler driving the car,
the sociopath-in-chief.

It does not feel good
to make these lists,
to wretch these labels, Lord.
But it feels better –
like tagging a rainstorm
an “atmospheric river,”
or a snow disaster
a “bomb cyclone.”
There is comfort
in naming the dreadful.

But there is more comfort
in turning into your call:
“Set your face
like flint
toward good this year.”
Selah.
“Hold on
to each day’s blessings
for dear life this year.”
Because life is dear
and love cannot be controlled.
It can yet be received,
cherished, nurtured,
but never commanded.

If love, or if I, seem paltry,
that may be very true.
But you are truer, Lord.
If my trust stumbles
in the face of fears and faults,
you remain trustworthy, Lord —
our dawn after the storm
who will not be hooded,
the colors of the bow
that no lie can dim.

Understanding and responding to a “sociopath”

Building community, Psychological growth, Spiritual direction, , , , , , ,

At the CAPS East Conference last week, I presented my research on sociopaths. I have been collecting it all year. If you follow this blog (thank you!), you have probably run into some of what I have learned. If  you want to get into the finished product with me (and I wish you would), I have put links to my previous posts at the end of this one, along with a link to the powerpoint I used in my presentation, which includes the reference list.

It all started with Trump’s portrait.

Like I keep saying, when I first saw Donald Trump’s “official portrait” I marveled at the audacious grandiosity of it. There is no hint of humility or welcome in it. It is designed to intimidate. It matches his endless talk about “winning.”  I admit I ignored it. I laughed it off.

But after his re-election, I decided I needed to turn back and face what we are all facing in that face. Now we know how disorienting and frightening it is to be dominated by a sociopathic president. When I started researching it, I mostly knew the stereotypes associated with sociopathy — which I just learned how to pronounce properly after church a couple of weeks ago during the coffee hour. I think I began by googling, “what is the go-to book about sociopaths?”

I found the book and started with it: The Sociopath Next Door. Martha Stout’s classic from 2005 reads like a prophecy these days. It is academic enough. But its strongest point is its collection of case studies which prove her point: you might run into a sociopath next door and there are responses you should have ready when you do.

Barry Goldwater, Mary Trump’s Book, Anton Ashcroft

Can you diagnose someone you’ve never met?

I just suggested Trump is a sociopath. People asked me if I were afraid I had offended someone when I did the same at the conference. The president already has us scared to exercise our consciences in the face of the uncertainty of what my happen to us! I was not afraid to present my arrangement of evidence-based psychological study integrated with my Christian practice.

The most arguable thing I did was suggest Trump fit the definition. Because I agree that a professional cannot effectively diagnose someone they have never met. At the same time I also agree with people who say that diagnoses, in general, are rather suggestive and subjective even when one does know a person. I also agree with thoughtful people who say the ethics about diagnosing public figures may be outdated.

The APA formally added the Goldwater Rule to the ethics code in 1973, some time after Barry Goldwater won his libel case against Fact Magazine. Fact  published a survey of psychiatrists regarding his mental fitness to be president. He was not found to be fit. He lost by a landslide in 1964.

Like many ethics rules, the Goldwater Rule is roundly debated, especially when it is seen in light of a psychotherapist’s general duty to give warning when they know or even suspect sexual predators and murderous people are likely to act.  With A.I. and years of constant exposure,  writings, and history we can access about people like Donald Trump, things may be different than in 1973. Unlike most people on the Anti-social Personality Disorder spectrum, Trump does all his sinning brazenly, like tearing down the East Wing of the White House last week.

We have a lot of evidence for Trump’s sociopathy. For instance, Trump’s niece, Mary, a clinical psychologist, wrote the book (pictured above). She and Michael D’Antonio, a biographer, provide quite a bit of evidence for Trump being a sociopath. For instance, his mother was sick for a year when he was 2. His father Fred trained his sons to be “killers,” no empathy or vulnerability allowed. In the Art of the Deal Trump recalls giving his music teacher a black eye as an elementary kid. He was banished to military school at 13 where he was a loud-mouthed bully. George Conway put all the evidence together in an ad sponsored by his Anti-Psychopath Pac. (Access via Bing. I think he is banned on Google).

Anton Ashcroft (seen above), working in forensic psychology in 2016,  wrote Donald Trump: Narcissist, Psychopath or representative of the people? He claims, though he has never met Trump, it is his duty to warn people before they normalize his behavior. Your conscience will have to be your guide when his evidence calls for your conclusion.

2016 seems like a long time ago, now that Trump is fomenting a war with Venezuela and Mike Johnson refuses to let the House of Representatives convene. Ashcroft’s resistance is to a bygone ethics which presume an orderly set of institutions and common assumptions about propriety. Those presumptions are gone, it seems. So his diagnosis may be more relevant than ever, now that the traits of 4% of the population, many of whom are in prison (unless Trump has pardoned them), are being worked into the government, into world society, and into our individual lives.

No one has ever known what to do when the people on the sociopath spectrum — the People of the Lie as M. Scott Peck named them, get into power (which they normally don’t). People either try to avoid them or kill them. But killing them is not an immediate option for me. So I have been trying to understand them, at least, and discerning the most helpful responses God can suggest.

The research leads to the right questions

Martha Stout’s book is a plea to people of conscience to recognize and resist the ruthless among them. Her book formed the heart of my presentation. She helped me learn how NPD, ASPD, sociopathy and psychopathy form a spectrum of disorders coming into prominence in this “age of monsters.”

Counselors and educators can provide a truth-telling service to the unsuspecting society who cannot fathom the lack of conscience and single-minded will to power this 4% of the population suffers under.

We need to clarify what we are dealing with.

  • The definition of these people has become a bit muddy.
  • Is there really no cure for Anti-social Personality Disorder?
  • The idea of conscience needs to be clearer.
  • Are the assumptions about conscience fading with the diminishing influence of Judeo-Christian morality?
  • The factors, other than immorality, which cause sociopathy, need to be better researched and known.
  • Treatment options and interventions need to be more available to therapists, parents and law enforcement.

How do we respond to a person who has no guilt or shame, even biologically? I offered eight ways to respond and zeroed in on protecting our individual and societal consciences. I also highlighted the increasingly prevalent strategy of domination people on the ASPD spectrum use called DARVO — V.P. Vance has become as expert.

The definition of “sociopath”

I use the term “sociopath,” even though “psychopath” might work just as well. Neither term has a well-differentiated definition and neither appears in APA’s DSM – the repository of approved definitions for psychotherapists and researchers. But both terms are titles for ongoing study on the disorder. The American Psychological Association (APA) developed the term Anti-social Personality Disorder (ASPD)  because the terms sociopath and psychopath stigmatized people who got labeled that way.

Here are the criteria for ASPD:  1) failure to conform to social norms, 2) deceitfulness, manipulativeness, 3) impulsivity, failure to plan ahead, 4) irritability, aggressiveness, 5) reckless disregard for the safety of self or others, 6) consistent irresponsibility, 7) lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person.

Martha Stout adds color to the list to make it clearer: 1) sociopathic charisma, 2) a grandiose sense of self worth, 3) the need for stimulation, risk taking, 4) pathological lying, defrauding, 5) callousness, no empathy, the inability to bond.

What do we do with a sociopath?

I say we have one planted in the White House and he must be removed before the weed comes to its inevitably rotten fruit. He is shamelessly pasting his picture over our lives. He would like to carve himself in Mt. Rushmore, put a Trump Arch in Washington DC and receive a Nobel Peace prize for settling conflicts he did not settle, even as he creates conflict that makes the whole world unsettled. His lies have a Wikipedia page. 

When we encounter people on the ASPD spectrum in our daily lives, even if we are not certain, we must do our best to discern the motivation behind their behavior and respond to them as they are, not according to their deceptions or our idealizations. We must attend to our personal health and the health of society. We might not have all the solutions or have the power to effect the necessary changes — but our voices matter; our responses matter. Having a clear conscience before God and others matters.

We can have some empathy for the conscienceless and imagine the horror they would experience, if they had the capacity to do so. Martha Stout says:

Imagine — if you can — not having a conscience, none at all,
no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do,
no limiting sense of concern for the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members.
Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken…
You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences, will most likely remain undiscovered.
How will you live your life?
What will you do with your huge and secret advantage?

We can love sociopaths with everlasting love. We might be able to help them. But don’t offer sociopaths pity and don’t waste your time shaming them (which is essentially negative pity). Never assume they are like you, with your guilt, shame and doubts; they are not. Keep asking, “What are they doing with their huge, secret advantage?” And tell the truth about your answers — to yourself and to everyone who will listen.

My previous blog posts on this subject. 

Say “No” now: It won’t get better. (April 7, 2025)

Is a sociopath training you for evil?: 8 ways to spot one and survive them. (May 12, 2025)

Recognizing DARVO is the first step to freedom: 5 practical responses. (August 25, 2025)

Your conscience is in danger: The Bible can help.  (October 20, 2025)

The slides for my presentation, which include the references are here: Google Slides

**********

Today is Kolano Sabia Day! As a person among the royal families leading the “Spice Islands” he represents a fascinating story of colonial evangelism — its sordid beginnings and its lasting impact.  Get the story at The Transhistorical Body. 

Your conscience is in danger: The Bible can help

A life in the Spirit, Building community, Film/TV, Leadership, Spiritual direction, , , , , , , ,

I was energized as I walked along Market St. on a beautiful day last Saturday. We periodically shouted “No Kings!” and “This is what democracy looks like,” and it felt good to hear my voice right out loud — there in public, and all. At one point we caught up with a couple of people in blow-up unicorn outfits. It looked like they might be young parents on a date — instead of the baby, their stroller carried a boombox. It was nice.

As we exercised our bodies we were exercising our consciences. Both have a tendency to get flabby. The latter desperately needs the restoration of a daily exercise routine before it gets burned out completely by the conflagration of kooks and crooks dominating our lives right now.

The dark side of conscience

I have spent quite a bit of time studying sociopath spectrum of humanity in the last few months. These are the people, probably not more than 5% of us, who either have a broken or missing conscience.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) collects these folks under the description “Anti-social Personality Disorder” (ASPD). The ASPD person has a severely wounded, inactive, broken or absent conscience. Conscienceless behavior is their distinctive across the spectrum. They are shameless.

The TV loves these people. You’d think they are around every corner, mostly carrying knives — they are not. But they make for good stories because they are strange and frightening. And we all know we might meet one and suspect we share some of their traits. Think Joe Goldberg in You, Dexter Morgan in Dexter, Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish in Game of Thrones and Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, to name a few. Eric Cartman fits the description, too. They are more generally men, it seems, but women demonstrate the behavior, too. They are conscience-challenged, to say the least.

A conscience is the inner sense or faculty that allows a person to distinguish between right and wrong and guides their moral decisions. It acts as a moral compass, influencing behavior and causing feelings of guilt or pleasure based on whether actions align with one’s values and, importantly, fit in with one’s relationships. Hindus see this capacity as a seventh sense, beyond our five physical senses and beyond our ordinary awareness; it is “higher consciousness.” Contemplative Christians see it as spiritual awareness, the gift of the Holy Spirit, the place of intimacy with God and personal transformation.

Sociopath training

Conscience is considered a universal human ability, though its judgment can be shaped by experience and upbringing. It is what is happening in the deepest part of us, but not just that. Conscience needs a bond to form and to stay strong. That’s why many observers right now are wondering if we can fight off totalitarianism, since the opposition cannot unite. Postmodern, technology-isolated people have bonding issues.

Our bonding issues may have made us ripe for sociopathic manipulation. I think the  sociopaths are shaping our behaviors right now. The president is their leader. The innumerable lawsuits being filed are all about combatting behavior on the ASPD spectrum.

A sociopath cannot bond, most of the time. According to Martha Stout (The Sociopath Next Door),  leaders with no seventh sense, no inner awareness, no gut instinct for good, no spiritual connection can hypnotize the group conscience which leads to catastrophe.

ASPD leaders and ASPD-influenced systems make enemies “its,” not people, and see them as mere impediments to what is good, threats to safety and prosperity — and they find people to hate these “its” with them. Stephen Miller regularly strokes this proclivity in humanity. At Charlie Kirk’s funeral he said:

The light will defeat the dark. We will prevail over the forces of wickedness and evil, We will defeat the forces of darkness and evil. And we will stand every day for what is true, what is beautiful, what is good….

And to those trying to incite violence against us, those trying to foment hatred against us, what do you have? You have nothing. You are nothing. You are wickedness. You are jealousy. You are envy. You are hatred. You are nothing. You can build nothing. You can produce nothing. You can create nothing.

Why don’t we follow our individual consciences and follow sociopaths instead? Stout says we are programmed to obey authority even against our own consciences. Our basic instinct to bond and be acceptable in community can be turned bad. This has been demonstrated repeatedly, beginning with Stanley Milgram’s experiment to see if he could get college students to shock other undergrads who were getting wrong answers. They gave up their power to the authorities and shocked! A sociopath knows this tendency and plays it. Bullying works.

Protecting your conscience

If you are a Christian, you probably agree with the New Testament writers who teach that our consciences can be injured, and blunted — and if you develop a “hardened heart,” it can wreck your all-important bond with God. There is a lot of healthy discussion in the Bible about maintaining a conscience that resembles Jesus’ and stays open to the Spirit of God. But let me give you the teaching in just one little book: 1 Timothy.

But the aim of such instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith. Some people have deviated from these and turned to meaningless talk, desiring to be teachers of the law without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make assertions. (1:5-7)

The antidote to sociopath leaders may be as simple as dancing down the street in a unicorn costume — exercising stubborn joy (which, Jesus says, no one can take away from us), in the face of domination.

Paul reminds Timothy of heart, mind and soul — his spiritual awareness: pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith, as he stokes his courage to keep teaching the gospel. Timothy needs a strong inner life. Because it seems like he was up against some shameless, ASPD-type people who won’t stop talking nonsense and people are believing them.

This charge I commit to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies made earlier about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, having faith and a good conscience. By rejecting conscience, certain persons have suffered shipwreck in the faith; among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have turned over to Satan, so that they may be taught not to blaspheme. (1:18-20)

One’s conscience is in danger if it is not in good shape. The speaker at our beginning rally before the march chided us for being spiritually flabby, essentially. I took exception since I was, after all, in attendance. But she knew that one protest does not make a transformation. Sociopaths never rest. For instance, last week the White House hired Kurt Olsen, the Stop the Steal lawyer, to investigate the 2020 election (!). The resistance cannot rest, either.

It is possible that Hymenaeus and Alexander did not completely reject conscience out of some evil agency. They may have been born without the capacity to have a conscience because of amygdala defects, or their environment was so traumatizing it made them shameless in order to survive — and ASPD appears to be heritable, too.

When Paul “turned them over to Satan” he did not condemn them to hell. He just recognized their intractability. They needed something more than regular church community to teach them.

The word blaspheme, here and many places in the New Testament,  is a direct transliteration from Greek. It means slander, defamation, or reviling, especially against God, and includes speech that defames others. Hymenaeus and Alexander were not just impious, they were bond breakers, dividers, loveless.

Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will renounce the faith by paying attention to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared with a hot iron. (4:1-2)

When the Spirit “expressly says” something we primarily hear it with the seventh sense, which is the main reason we should keep it in shape. The message is mainly tested in community, which is why we need to stay connected to discerning believers. That sense can be dulled. A conscience can even be cauterized so it becomes impermeable to grace, joy and love.

Lies are the poison of conscience. Donald Trump’s lies have their own Wikipedia page. They are the main tool of sociopaths who only care about “winning.” Jesus calls liars children of the devil. The capacity of A.I. and our media in general to spread lies is breathtaking. Hopefully you have some children whose consciences are not seared who can build a new society in the wild years ahead.

If you feel like you must be living in the “later times,” you might be right. Pundits, protesters, prophets and preachers are working overtime to stand against the present “hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared with a hot iron.” I thank God for that. We need all the help we can get. Because, as Paul teaches Timothy, having a living relationship with God, which keeps our consciences soft and clear, is the daily, fundamental step, not just in our self-care but in the formation of a society worth living in.

5 old churches in Norway: Lessons for now

A life in the Spirit, Leadership, Life as the church, The Mission, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have spent a lot of time learning the history of the world, focusing on the church. All my study did not prepare me for Trump — it should have.  But no matter how many similar leaders I find in the past, I still wonder, “How did a Trump inspire crusaders?”

How did the U.S. get to the place where Speaker of the House Mike Johnson would give public glory to God for final passage of the “big beautiful bill,” while other religious leaders decried the legislation as un-Christian, un-American, evil and dangerous?

But it happened. On July 3, after the House passed the bill in a process known as “reconciliation” with the Senate version, Johnson tweeted, “Soli Deo Gloria,” or “Glory to God alone,” followed by a Bible verse from 2 Corinthians 5:18 — “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”

Believe it or not, he was comparing the reconciling love of God Christians know as the source of life to the Congressional process of budget reconciliation the Senate uses to avoid compromises over legislation — in this case, legislation evangelical Christians support but many other Christians do not.

Over and over throughout history, people have followed wicked leaders and have used those leaders to represent and fulfill their own hateful agendas even as they were deluded and used by the despot for his. But over and over again, true believers have worked out their faith, speaking and acting out their convictions in confusing and threatening situations.

We saw both realities in Norway, represented in some fascinating, historic church buildings. Our trip has been, among other things, a living lesson on how the church has failed to and follow Jesus — but also brilliantly succeeded.  We visited five churches in four locations as we cruised up the coast that told us old tales with urgent lessons for today.

Bergen: Keep your simple faith

We had quite a bit of time to spend in Bergen, the gateway city to the fjords. We were wandering around on Sunday and climbed up steps to an old, monumental church sheathed in material masking its rehab. It was St. John’s Church, built in 1894, an impressive neo-Gothic building known for having Bergen’s highest tower

We found our way into the building just in time to kneel with the locals at the altar and hold out little silver cups as the pastor gave us bread and a deacon poured us sweet wine from a common pitcher. It was beautiful.

68.7% of Norwegians were members of the state sponsored and funded Church of Norway as of the end of 2019. However, only 20% of Norwegians say that religion occupies an important place in their lives according to Gallup, which makes Norway one of the most secular countries of the world. Only about 3% of the population attends church services or other religious meetings more than once a month.

The old church building and their church were falling apart but we were welcomed by a kind-faced mother attending with her two 20-something sons sitting in the back with us holding on to the faith. The whole thing struck me as beautiful.

Trondheim: Godless religious leaders with a personal motive

The mother church of the church of Norway in Trondheim, the cathedral, Nidarosdomen, was much less beautiful — although I found a marvelous statue of Francis of Assisi to inspire my memory of him leading up to his day last week.

Nidaros Cathedral was built over the burial site of St. Olav, the Viking king who became Norway’s national saint. Olav Haraldsson was born in the 990s. As a young boy, he went out “viking” (on sea expeditions). His travels took him to England, where he fought in the army of King Ethelred. In France, he spent two winters in Prince Richard’s court in Normandy. During his stay in Normandy, Olav was tutored in the Christian faith, and he was baptised in Rouen in 1014.

Olav returned to Norway the following year, with the goal of uniting the country as a Christian kingdom under his rule. He justified his right to the throne by claiming he was a descendant of King Harald Hårfagre (Harald I Fairhair). He was affirmed by the assemblies. By 1024, Christianity became the official religion in Norway.

Olav had powerful opponents among Norwegian noblemen, and his brutal actions made him unpopular. When King Knut of Denmark seized the country in 1028, Olav fled to his brother-in-law in Gardariket. He returned two years later to regain power but was stopped by a large peasant army led by Norwegian noblemen. On July 29, Olav was killed at the Battle of Stiklestad

If you watch Vikings Valhalla you will see another version of Olaf plotting to kill pagans. The creators do not have him die in battle but by the hand of Lief Erickson’s sister who is the living icon of the old ways and old gods

After the battle, Olav’s corpse was transported to Nidaros and buried at the edge of the River Nidelva. Soon people began telling stories of miracles that occurred around the king’s grave. One year and five days after the battle the grave was opened, and Olav was canonized as a saint. Those who were present said that the king looked as though he was sleeping. The corpse was unchanged, but his hair and nails had grown.

The saint’s body was placed in a beautiful silver casket. The casket was first taken to Clemens Church but was later moved to the church that was built over his tomb. Here it stood by the altar through most of the Middle Ages. The stories of Olav’s miracles spread across Norway and the rest of Europe, and the saint’s tomb became one of the most important pilgrimage sites in Northern Europe. The church’s bio says

St. Olav is often depicted wearing a crown and holding an axe, with a dragon beneath his feet. The crown symbolises that he is Norway’s eternal king. The axe shows his authority as a just legislator, but it is also the tool that took his life. The dragon can be interpreted in several ways, both as an image of Satan and the evil that the king defeated. Perhaps it also depicts the king’s own sinful life.

Nationalism led by bloodthirsty men never works out. When lies are sanctified by the church, true faith is undermined. No one can kill it, but a murderous, mythic, supposedly-Christian leader is a spiritual virus. Venezuelans murdered in their boats and toddlers in zip ties are just the beginning of a U.S. epidemic.

 Tromso : Longing for the presence of Jesus

At the surprising town of Tromso we visited the dramatic parish church in the new part of town across the bridge from the old city. It is called the “Arctic Cathedral” in the tourist brochures. It is not a cathedral but it does evoke the snowy peaks of the “northland.” We somehow had no idea the territory above the arctic circle was so beautiful.

We enjoyed meeting our taxi driver from Somalia and walking back over the dramatic bridge. But the church was not really a good tourist destination for bus loads of tour groups finding something to do.

For a Jesus follower, however, it is an oasis of beauty and inspiration. The year I graduated from high school in 1972, Victor Sparre replaced the clear panes that had framed the city view with his most important work of glass art. It depicts the hand of God from which three luminous rays emanate; one through Jesus, one through a woman and one through a man. As the sun rises, a soaring Christ bedazzles in cobalt blues and golds.

The longing for Jesus to rise again among us is persistent in any age among Christians. But the Evangelicals are especially stirred up with thoughts of the rapture, I hear, just like they were in 1972. They have a wounded antichrist seizing power and are wearing hats on their foreheads to mark their obedience. So maybe they are right this time.

I was happy to wander into a striking piece of architecture and art in the middle of what I used to think of as nowhere. Jesus manages to meet me wherever I turn.

Kirkenes: Religion used as a nationalistic prop

Our turnaround spot on our cruise was Kirkenes, just miles from the Russian border and not far from Murmansk, where the nuclear subs live – the old ones are hazardous waste, the new ones are ready to lay waste. It is a dangerous area. Our guide begged us not to get cute with the border crossing.

Two churches in the area serve as cautionary tales from Christians caught in the nationalist urges of their leaders.

Boris and Gleb Chapel

In 1826, the demarcation of the Norway–Russia border was completed. The border was set as the Pasvik River. But there is an exception as the river nears the mouth because an old Russian Orthodox chapel was on the wrong side.

After the agreement there were still disputes between the Norwegian authorities and Russian fishermen. After further confrontations, the County Governor of Finnmark called on a ship from the Royal Norwegian Navy to show some force during the heaviest fishing months.

King Oscar II Chapel at Grense Jakobselv.

In 1851, the Interior Ministry sent an independent investigator to see about the disputes who did not share the governor’s views on a solution. Instead of a show of force, he proposed to build a chapel at Grense Jakobselv. A Lutheran chapel would be a boundary marker, in the same way the Russian Orthodox chapel of Boris Gleb had been used for border demarcation in 1826. In the summer of 1869, the new chapel was finally built.

In 1873, King Oscar II of Sweden and Norway visited the chapel. To commemorate this visit, he bestowed this chapel with a marble slab with the bilingual inscriptions: Kong Oscar II hørte Guds ord her den 4de Juli 1873 (Norwegian language) and Gonagas Oscar II gulai Ibmel sane dobe dam 4 ad Juli 1873 (Northern Sami language) which means “King Oscar II heard the words of God here on the 4th of July 1873.”

Mitrofan at Boris Gleb Church

According to The Barents Observer, in 2023, when Mitrofan, the Metropolitan of Murmansk, visited Boris Gleb church, he had a nationalist agenda. He was reasserting that  Borisoglebsk, the Russian exclave on the western shore of the Pasvik River, is holy land — the four square kilometer area where the Church of Boris and Gleb stands is a sanctuary honoring two Orthodox saints who were killed in Kievan Rus in the 11th Century.

He was memorializing the martyrs by connecting them with the present martyrs being killed by godless Ukrainians from Kiev. Mitrofan has made himself a leading spiritual proponent of his country’s bloody onslaught on the neighboring country.

In 2022 he said, “Orthodoxy is the only force of God left on earth, our Lord has no-one left but the Russian Orthodox Church.” In 2023, in Borisoglebsk, in Mitrofan stood on the border to another neighboring country and reiterated his Orthodox world view and anti-western position, “This is a holy site that stands on the border to another world, a world that is unfriendly to us.” Church leaders and pilgrims listening to his address prayed for “peace on the land of Holy Rus and for the strong spirit of the Russian Armed Forces.”

If all that seems strange to you, consider that Pete Hegseth, of all people, apparently sober and repentant for his wanton past, was the archbishop of the U.S. Army leading the silent generals in prayer last week, commissioning them to weed out the enemy among us. Here he is praying with the troops three weeks ago. You can find him praying for the generals last week during his infamous speech.

I have a lot more to learn from the churches of Norway. So far, they remind me that is frail and also surprisingly enduring. Leaders are fickle, stupid and brutal but many of them also reach us with the hand of God. The Spirit of God is invoked for all sorts of evil, yet my simple turns during my pilgrimage showed how easy it is to enter what is beyond us. Jesus is known and loved despite the grotequeries of European history and present day regurgitation of the worst of it. We may not feel OK but we will be saved.

The present U.S. insurgency: Trained for in El Salvador

Spiritual direction, , , , , ,

Way back in 1990 Steve Penner invited one of the BIC’s newest pastors to join an MCC learning tour to El Salvador and Honduras. It deepened my love for those countries, for the MCC, and for Steve that remains to this day.

The immersion experience also proved to be full of enduring cautionary tales. Unfortunately, the prophecies I received have been fulfilled. Central America was a training ground for the militarists who are invading our streets in unmarked cars and masks right now. They are making war on their own people just like the U.S. trained and funded nationals to do in El Salvador and Honduras.

Olga Fedorova / AP, 2025

Our little delegation did not succeed in unmasking what the the U.S. government was doing in Central America and now we are having trouble unmasking ICE on our own streets [CNN].

ERP combatants in Perquín, El Salvador, by Linda Hess Miller, 1990
ERP combatants in Perquín, El Salvador, by Linda Hess Miller, 1990

18-year-olds with machine guns

In El Salvador it was not marginally trained ICE agents rushing into the streets, fueled by the billions provided by the Big Beautiful Bill.  Instead, we were met by 18-year-olds with guns stopping our bus. We were going toward Chalatenango, the mountainous province which was a major stronghold  of the Farabundo Martí National Liberation Front (FMLN) “insurgents.” The area was the site of multiple massacres committed against civilians by the U.S.-backed Salvadoran military during the civil war (1979–1992).

Our destination was the Mesa Grande refugee camp just over the border in Honduras, where we met a man who escaped El Salvador with barely any clothes on as a child and was still in the camp years later. As the young men prepared to inspect us and our documents, our handlers told us to keep quiet and keep our heads down. There was no telling what the kids might do.

Now we have similar people on our own streets breaking car windows, breaking into homes, and sending untried people to Uganda. I was on edge the whole time I was in El Salvador, now I’m wary of what will happen if we go to Home Depot.

The secrets of Soto Cano

Brunswick, GA (where I visited my relatives and alligators when I was 13) is where the U.S. has a huge center for training ICE agents. Further south in the Everglades, Governor DeSantis spent $250 million on Alligator Alcatraz, which was recently ordered closed by  U.S. District Judge Kathleen Williams [NPR]. ICE now has 400 field offices in the US and a growing number of detention centers. The money always flows in the U.S. for violent solutions for relational problems.

When we were in Honduras we somehow got an audience with an officer at the Soto Cano Air Base. I’m sure if I hunted for my journal long enough, I could give you his rank. As was my custom (to the dismay of my handlers), I asked him a question I have not forgotten. The officer had just told us the new capabilities the soldiers were learning about combating insurgencies and conducting “low-intensity warfare,” meaning the enemy does not have giant air bases and cannot be distinguished from the population. (Thus Israel destroys Gaza and kills over 60,000 people to fight Hamas). I asked him, “With all this knowledge and new mobile weaponry, what are the plans for subduing future insurgencies in the U.S.?” He said, “We would never apply these tactics in the U.S.” You can see how that worked out.

Soto Cano Air Base in Honduras was a crucial staging ground for US military operations during the Salvadoran Civil War, serving as a base for intelligence, counterinsurgency, and logistical support. While not located in El Salvador, its role was central to US efforts to support its Cold War political and military interests in Central America. Because the U.S. government did not have public Congressional approval for combat missions from Honduras, it downplayed the constant involvement of the U.S. military in the area’s conflicts. This meant that service members involved often received no awards or official recognition for the dangers they faced. Their service was a secret. And most of us assume the “deep state” has plenty more secrets where those came from (as in the Jeffrey Epstein files).

The subversive cross

We also had the privilege of visiting members of Resurrection Lutheran Church in San Salvador where people told us of their subversive cross. Some of the people we met had been imprisoned, themselves, for their subversive activities — like housing battered women.  Others reported loved ones who were still lost to them in the prison system, not in Louisiana or El Salvador, but lost just the same. The squad that whisked them away was also following orders and “keeping the peace” as if they were the police.

CBN, not a bastion of wokeness, reported on what is happening to Latino Christians across the Evangelical community in the U.S. this year:

The story of the Lutheran Church is like a parable predicting today. At the end of 1989, an offensive by the FMLN resulted in a crackdown on dissenters by the government. On November 16 a death squad murdered six Jesuit priests. That same day another squad came looking for Lutheran Bishop  Gomez with orders to assassinate him. He was safely away. His church was full of victims of the offensive and the soldiers sorted them out.  They captured 12 foreigners and 3 Salvadorans, and they sunk so low as to capture and carry off a cross.

The cross is still a special symbol in the church — after all, now they have to deal with  President Bukele. One day, as a special offering to the Lord, the congregation wrote the sins committed against the people of El Salvador upon a plain, white cross.  As they identified the sins of their country and their people, they committed themselves to work toward forgiveness, and to be strengthened for liberation.  The cross also carried messages of hope and love, as a testimony to the transforming power of God.

The Bishop had found safe haven with friends in Milwaukee. Two months later, he returned accompanied by North American pastors. The U.S. Ambassador interceded and communicated with the President of El Salvador and the “pilgrim cross” made a journey from the prison to the Presidential House. There the cross completed its mission of pointing out sins.

Some time later, Bishop Gómez was again accompanied, this time by pastors from Germany.  They spoke with the President and finally “The Subversive Cross” was handed over, and returned to Resurrection Lutheran Church. The cross now rests in their building, still pointing out sins, injustices and the hard labor its members must do in social action and Christian accompaniment.

After eight months of Trump madness, subversion is growing toward Salvadoran levels all over the country and the whole world. A march to Washington is planned for September, originating in Philadelphia. Governors and attorney generals are figuring out how to creatively secede. Judges are handling cases that have finally made it through  the courts — like undoing Trump’s tariffs.

Debriefing turns to degriefing

A lot of us have been checking out for the past few months because of the Project 2025 onslaught (anti-trans people, etc.), and the tech bros onslaught (DOGE, data harvesting, etc.), the economic onslaught (tariffs now impacting everything), the grift onslaught (bitcoin, Trump family graft), and the compassion onslaught (Medicaid cuts, sneak attack on Medicare, USAID dismantling, etc.). It is all just plain overwhelming. Waiting for Trump to die is not enough hope to live on.

Likewise, in El Salvador I realized that even though I was about as woke as I could get in the 1990’s (I had lived in a commune, after all), I was still unprepared for how huge, ruthless, incompetent and unthought-through our military and political machines were. Sound familiar?

As we debriefed at the close of our trip to El Salvador and Honduras, we had just met Jon Sobrino, the priest who was not killed with his brothers in the raid on the Jesuit mission [my post]. He had just gotten back from the U.S. {Sojourners interview] [1990 commencement speech]. He told us he would never go back. He just did not have the strength to stand up to the soul-killing power of our culture. And, of course, he told us about that power snaking into his own small church and devouring its leaders.

As we sat in Tegucigalpa debriefing I was undone. I had to confess I thought I would have solutions and bring some home. But I had none and I brought home few. I admit, as I took my turn to share my feelings, I broke into tears. The past eight months have pushed me to that edge repeatedly. After all, people from El Salvador are still being brutalized in my own country while legally seeking asylum! Fortunately, I have not forgotten the subversive cross and its inevitable power to undermine the evil of the world and finally defeat it.

Recognizing DARVO is the first step to freedom: 5 practical responses

A life in the Spirit, Film/TV, Psychological growth, , , , ,

Spend 30 seconds right now memorizing the words DARVO stands for: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is the abuse pattern emerging from the shadows of rape culture and becoming mainstream behavior. The pattern is not new, but it is now prevalent. (Think Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford before the Senate). It goes like this:

  • Deny:

The perpetrator of abuse denies or minimizes their harmful behavior, even if evidence exists. They may deny the behavior altogether or create an alternative narrative to explain it away.

  • Attack:

The perpetrator attacks the person who confronted them, attempts to discredit their claims or motivations. They may personally attack them, question their mental state, or suggest they are seeking attention.

  • Reverse Victim and Offender:

The perpetrator flips the story. They show themselves to be the victim and the accuser the aggressor. They will likely blame the accuser for provoking them or make them feel guilty for causing trouble.

The key to not becoming a victim of DARVO is to recognize when it is happening and refuse to cave in. These days, we all need to become experts, since it has become pervasive with the ascension of Donald Trump and JD Vance who employ it habitually. Most government communication is laced with DARVO these days (watch Karoline Leavitt). You can see the pattern most clearly whenever the government is accused of wrongdoing. No matter how far-fetched the logic, DARVO will be employed.

Perry and Celeste in Big Little Lies

Jennifer Freyd coined the phrase DARVO

Psychologist Jennifer Freyd  used DARVO to describe a common pattern “when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of ‘falsely accused’ and attacks the accuser’s credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.”

Dr. Freyd coined the term in the 1990’s. She said the idea grew from watching “the [confirmation] hearings for Clarence Thomas and the response to Anita Hill.”  Hill is the law professor who in 1991 said the Supreme Court nominee sexually harassed her, only to see her own reputation dragged through the mud.

“Clarence Thomas had a leadership role” in the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission,” Freyd said.

“So it seemed to me like if there’s anyone who would have had a different response to the accusation, it was him. He would have said something like, ‘My memory is very different than yours; I’m disturbed to hear this is how you experienced things. I know these are very difficult conversations to have, and I want to understand what leads you to say this.’ But instead he and the other people who enabled him, it was a gang that attacked Anita Hill … and then I was seeing [the behavior] all over.”

Thank God most of us won’t be on TV getting raked over the coals! But you may have been an “accuser” who ended up being accused sometime in your life. For you, maybe DARVO  sounded like this:

“Why are you always trying to make me the bad guy?”
“I never hit you. I just pushed you away when you were being dramatic.”
“You’re so sensitive. It’s like I can’t do anything right around you.”
“You’re making me feel so bad. I don’t even want to talk to you anymore.”
“You’re abusing me, too.”

This kind of abuse chips away at your sense of reality over time. Many victims of it question whether what they experienced was real. And many turn the blame on themselves –which is exactly the goal of the person reversing the offense.

Now it is REALLY all over

Like I said, Trump and his comrades use the tactic reflexively. Some of the examples have become famous. We watch men, for the most part, get away with blame shifting like sexual abusers have been convincing their victims they are to blame for centuries.

Trump employed DARVO when he blamed Ukraine for Russia’s invasion, didn’t he?

Trump said about Zelensky: “You’ve been there for three years. You should have ended it. … You should have never started it. You could have made a deal.”

Most people know Russia’s army crossed the border on Feb. 24, 2022, in an all-out invasion that Putin sought to justify by falsely saying it was needed to protect Russian-speaking civilians in eastern Ukraine and prevent the country from joining NATO.

D —  Russia did not illegally and unjustly invade. A — You should have ended it. You could have made a deal. RVO – Russia is really the victim here. Ukraine is wasting U.S. money,

Trump has famously discredited women who had accused him of sexual assault.

Just before his Presidential debate with Kamala Harris he spoke to reporters about the first verdict E. Jean Carroll won against him for rape. He was in court to hear his lawyers argue for overturning a jury’s $5 million verdict. The former president  repeatedly implied he would not have assaulted two of his accusers (from the past) due to their looks. He said of a woman who has accused him of sexual misconduct on a plane in the 1970s “she would not have been the chosen one.” He said of  Carroll, “I never touched her. I would have had no interest in meeting her in any way, shape or form.”

At the point he said those things, juries had twice awarded Carroll huge sums from Trump for defamation because he claimed she made up a story about him attacking her in a department store dressing room in order to boost sales of her memoir. The judgments did not stop him. Just before the debate, he again said that Carroll was telling a “made up, fabricated story.”

D – “I never touched her. I would have had no interest in meeting her in any way, shape or form.”  A – She’s a liar. Besides, “she would not have been the chosen one.” RVO – She made it up to use my fame to boost her memoir. She wants to take me down. I’m the victim.

J.D. Vance contribute to the confusion people have about what is fake and what could be true.

After the outcry over Trump falsely claiming that Haitians were eating pets in Springfield, Ohio, Dana Bash asked Vance, formerly a Senator from Ohio, “Once and for all, can you affirmatively say that the rumors about Haitians eating dogs and cats have no basis with evidence?”

Vance said, “If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do.”

D – He would not respond to the question. It is the American people, not Haitians who are suffering. A – The media, like you Dana Bash, are not doing a good job. RVO – I have to create stories. The media does not respond to what I say. I’m the victim.

DARVO appears in quite a few scripts, too

In Big Little Lies every time Celeste calls out Perry’s violence, he flips it. First, he denies hurting her. Then, he accuses her of provoking him. Finally, he becomes the one who’s suffering – “I’m only like this because I love you so much.” It’s textbook DARVO.

In You,  Joe consistently manipulates women into believing he’s just a misunderstood romantic, even as his behavior becomes controlling and violent. He denies, attacks, reframes, over and over again.

You may have experienced some DARVO in your own house (or applied it). For instance, when a partner cheats, gets caught, and they might say, “You’ve been so cold lately, what did you expect?” Or when you confront a friend about a boundary they’ve crossed, they might respond with, “Wow, I guess I’m just a terrible person then.” Suddenly, you’re the one doing damage control, even though they hurt you.

DARVO can be defanged.

If you’ve experienced DARVO, you know how disorienting it is. Why? Because it’s not just a lie—it’s a reversal of truth. It puts you on the defensive. You begin questioning your memory, your motives, even your sanity. I was DARVOed in a big way a few years back and I felt that way myself; I am more aware now.

DARVO often overlaps with gaslighting, intensifying the psychological damage. Both aim to erase your reality. But DARVO goes further: it tries to make you feel morally wrong for even speaking up.

That’s why so many women in emotionally destructive relationships stay silent. They know what happened, but they can’t explain it in a way others will understand—especially when the abuser is charming, respected, or skilled at playing the victim (or might be a sociopath).

Numerous clients have validated that, over time, experiencing DARVO repeatedly leads to:

  • Self-doubt: “Maybe I am too sensitive.”
  • Isolation: “No one will believe me.”
  • Shame: “Why can’t I just let it go?”
  • Despair: “I’ll never be safe or heard.”

These effects are real. DARVO not only blocks accountability — it compounds the trauma of the original harm. It damages your trust in your own perceptions and can even alienate you from your community or church, especially if others are drawn into the reversal or support your abuser.

Being informed about DARVO can reduce its persuasive effects.  In other words, people who can spot DARVO are less likely to fall for it. Knowledge can act as a vaccine.

The next step is refusing to let it rewrite reality. Trump’s attempts to deflect responsibility and blame for the results of his tariffs are not just political maneuvers. They are calculated efforts to distract and confuse you. By exposing DARVO for what it is, we can ensure that his gaslighting does not win out over the truth.

Five ways to respond to DARVO

When you begin to recognize DARVO, you gain power. You may not be able to change the other person, but you can refuse to internalize their twisted version of events. Try these things:

Name it without shame.

Recognize that DARVO is someone else’s behavior, a tactic of self-defense and domination – it is not a reflection of your character. You are not “too sensitive” for noticing harm. You are not the problem because you “set some boundaries.” Naming the pattern is the first step toward clarity. “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Ephesians 5:11).

Stay grounded in reality.

You could keep a journal of what happened and when. If possible, seek out a wise, safe counselor or support group that affirms your experience. You may also consider working with a therapist who understands emotional abuse. Truth-telling without malice is not gossip. It’s part of healing and it’s how we stay aligned with God.

Resist the urge to over-explain.

DARVO thrives when you start defending yourself. But you don’t owe a manipulator your constant justification. “No” is a complete sentence. “That’s not true” is a legitimate response. Jesus often refused to debate with those who had no intention of listening. You can do the same.

Define your limits without guilt.

It is godly to protect your heart (Proverbs 4:23). You are not responsible for managing another adult’s emotions, especially when they attempt to use those emotions to control you. Whether it’s a temporary separation, a clear boundary around communication, or removing yourself from a toxic church, these are not acts of rebellion — they are acts of obedience to your own healing and to God.

For the Church: Please recognizing and resist DARVO.

Too often, leaders and Christian communities are unwittingly complicit with DARVO. If the church automatically “stays neutral” or encourages the victim to reconcile before repentance, it reinforces the reversal and deepens the harm. Neutrality in the face of abuse is not peacekeeping—it’s injustice. Accountability is not unloving. Grace is not enabling. The church must be a place of truth-telling, not image management.

When someone speaks up about abuse or betrayal, our first response should not be, “Are you sure?” or “Let’s not judge.” Instead:

  • We ask them, “How can I listen and support you?” and “What do you need right now to feel heard, believed, and protected?
  • We ask ourselves, “What does justice and healing look like here?” and “How can we hold leadership or offenders accountable in truth?”

You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone

Maybe reading this caused you to recognize DARVO in your life. You may be the perpetrator or you may be the victim. You are not alone. If you are to blame, you can be healed and forgiven. If you have been abused, you are not likely to be imagining it.

If you have been abused, please don’t forget:

  • Your voice matters to God.
  • Your safety and your capacity to say “No” and be heard matters.
  • Your healing matters.

You do not have to prove your worth to someone who constantly rewrites your story to protect themselves and manipulate you. God is your witness and is the One who sees it all and stands with the oppressed and the voiceless. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18) — even when you feel alone. Wisdom, courage, and the strength to stand are all available to you, too.

If you are a married couple and you practice DARVO on each other because you learned it from TV or the internet, please find some hope in the fact there are other ways to relate and you can learn them. You’ll have to let go of DARVO and very possibly will need to find someone to help you learn some new ways to love. But you can make things better.