When we are experiencing a persistent sense of emptiness or numbness, an inability to connect with others on an emotional level, constant feelings of fear or anxiety, and a limited range of emotional responses, we’re in “emotional paralysis.” I think this is a national issue right now. Instead of dealing with it, we are getting acclimated to it.
A persistent sense of emptiness or numbness makes it challenging to connect with others on an emotional level. This leads to loneliness and a sense of detachment from the world. It also leads to fear or anxiety, to a state of heightened alertness, being on guard for potential emotional triggers. This vigilance is mentally and physically exhausting, which only makes things worse. Soon, emotional paralysis makes our range of range of feeling even more limited. Joy, pleasure, or even sadness are often the first to go. We can end up disengaged from life and unfulfilled. Relationships become strained and work suffers which causes more anxiety and loneliness which often deepens the numbness.
In many cases, emotional paralysis can be accompanied by physical symptoms: no appetite or overeating, sleep issues, susceptibility to illness, and fatigue. Persistent headaches and muscle tension can be a result of emotional stress. The mind-body connection is a powerful one, and when emotions are suppressed or blocked, they can show up as physical pain and discomfort. Some people have panic attacks at some level and their doctor looks for a heart attack.
Causes of emotional paralysis
When we sit down in therapy we often uncover past experiences, especially in childhood, that lead to emotional paralysis. It is cliché to point it out, but childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect, can instill fear of vulnerability. This fear leads to emotional paralysis as a way to avoid re-experiencing the pain associated with past events.
What’s more, if we have unresolved emotional conflicts or a lack of emotional support and reciprocation, especially during critical developmental stages, it can be paralyzing. If a person grew up in an environment or is subject to one now where emotions are suppressed or dismissed, they may internalize the belief that expressing emotions is unacceptable or weak. This learned behavior can lead to emotional paralysis, as individuals struggle to identify their feelings and communicate them effectively.
The individual causes of emotional paralysis are somewhat easy to identify. Numb people often intuitively know them, they just don’t want to feel them. They are often weighed down by the responsibility they feel for dealing with the circumstances robbing them of life. So external factors are sometimes overlooked or dismissed. They say, “Whattya gonna to do?” or “It is what it is.” or “Can’t complain.” I greet people in my elevator with “How’s it going?” and I regularly hear, “A day above ground is a good day.” Or they just stay silent. They walk down the street or ride around isolated by headphones. Some may feel unable to leave the house, which requires an online job, which leads to further distance from love.
National paralysis
Your emotional paralysis is not all your fault. There are things happening to us every day, especially now, that cause it. We often wonder out loud why people under authoritarian regimes don’t do something about their plight. Look at the symptoms above and it seems clearer. They are paralyzed.
We are living in a “plight” right now. We can’t sell a condo we thought would go faster. Mortgage rates feel higher. Future economic stability is uncertain. Prices seem to be inflating (at least my chocolate has gone up!); toys are already showing a tariff bump. Lumber and gypsum tariffs are making houses more expensive. ICE raids undermine the workforce. Trump politics create a wait-and-see mentality. I had some emotional paralysis for a while as my new reality moved in like a climate change event. Traumatic or overwhelming, present circumstances are tending to numb us out.
Americans live in a big country with a big government. When it gets upended and the ways to change it are cut off, it is traumatizing. We have narcissistic entrepreneurs running government like it is a business in which breaking things is supposed to lead to innovation, and they call it conservatism! Amateurs have wrecked the AIDS program in Africa, bombed Tehran, excavated for a concentration camp in the Everglades and made lying normal. The Congress is full of self-interested cowards.
What’s more, the Church is in stasis. The only good statistical news for U.S. congregations is that young men are returning to churches where patriarchy is practiced. Most churches remain paralyzed in fracture. It still troubles me that the main dividing issue of the last few decades has been homosexuality. That’s where people draw lines? Not with gun violence and military spending? Not with poverty and income inequality? Not with unorthodox spiritualities and biblical illiteracy? Not with the hollowing out of community and leadership?
It is no wonder so few people devote themselves to the common good, run for office, or build a business that is not just for profit. They are emotionally paralyzed and live in a system that contributes to it every day. Ultimately, getting out of national paralysis in the U.S. is a collective effort that requires both systemic and individual shifts in behavior, coupled with a commitment to finding common ground and working towards constructive solutions.
Overcoming numbness
Things change and people grow. I am amazed when clients are suddenly on the other side of the tipping point towards mental health. A lot of factors can contribute, of course, but the main one is usually they wanted to stick with it. They let themselves want to be happy and then decided to be so. I am always glad to help with that. If you feel the paralysis I’ve been describing, you might want to join them in finding a new way. Here are tried and true pathways to feeling and feeling better.
Make yourself talk
A friend, a spouse, your pastor or priest, a stranger on vacation might all have a listening ear. The way out of emotional paralysis is exercising emotion, which almost always includes communication. A psychotherapist can speed up the process by identifying past traumas, patterns of belief and external influences. They can suggest alternative ways to cope and help form new strategies for living. A lot of paralyzed people consume tons of useful media which talks at them all the time. But impression without expression will likely equal depression.
Force yourself to practice self-care
This topic often feels “woo woo” to numbed people, so that’s why I said “force yourself.” You may think numbness is normal.
Paralyzed people are often that way because they tried being who they are and getting what they need and “it did not work.” They are reticent to try again and get hurt again. Lack of self-worth leads to lack of self-care. Nothing is as simple as that last sentence implies, of course, but instead of waiting to feel better we can start where we are and take whatever steps we can to take care of ourselves. Take a walk. Go to the gym. Put out a resume. Go to church. Call a long-lost friend. Go see the neglected relative. Write the story. Play your instrument. Get out the journal. Read the book. Take the class. You probably know what you need to do. You will just have to do that thing which is good for you. You will probably have to make yourself do it and face the homeostasis blocking you.
Get into a support network
I hope your job feels like a support network — that is so rare, I hate to mention it, since it is where we spend most of our time. I wish that extended families always felt like a support network, but a shocking number of us are estranged from them.
It is common knowledge that we’ve lost a lot of community, but it is still crucial to mental health and happiness. When we are alone, we are more subject to paralysis. Clients have done these things to get some community started: demanded change in the workplace, started a family connection time (at least a group text), joined a running group, went back to church, joined a writing group, got on the board of a nonprofit. There are ways to connect if you’re looking.
Learn contemplative prayer
I saved the best for last. The thing that has worked for many clients is learning to be still and see what is on the other side of silence. I suggest many books for this and reading a book is a good way to start. One discovered the book mentioned in this post last month [link]. You could go on a retreat or take in a seminar about contemplative prayer and make some new friends. You could make (or restore) a deliberate, daily time for God to heal your trauma, reinforce your value, inspire you to try hard things, and reassure you it will be OK. Soul work is really the whole work.